pain in the night but joy comes in the morning...

am i getting numb to all these pains?
pains that causes scars that stays forever...
closing the door to more pains...
probably i can live with it...
don't need to make any more effort to revive it...
forget about it...
back to normal mode...

pain in the night but joy comes in the morning...


Your Love Never Fails
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes, but
You have new mercy for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that you love me
And your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but
I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause your love never fails
The chasm was far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But your love never fails

You make all things, work together for my good

not again...

well, as usual, nothing comes out good...

another failed conversation...
another misunderstanding...
another miscommunication...
another failed attempt to be nice...
it seems like a magnet except that it's repelling away...
you care, you don't care, doesn't matter...
the door is closed...
not letting anything in...


finding my secret place and dwelling in it...
God, i need to meet with You...
one on one...
just You and me...
i need to download from You for the camp...
speak to me...



And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon form against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

He wipes my tears away...

it's still painful...
it seem like it's not going to go away any time soon...
i don't want to dwell in this...
move on says my mind but my heart says no...
why did it become like this?
why? why? why?
i didn't ask for any of these...
definitely i didn't sign up for this...
no one is responsible for this...
it's me...
my own asking for a beating...
i don't know how to recover from this...
i feel tired...
i can't do this anymore...
it's taking a toil on me...


only thing i can do now is to dwell in His joy...
His joy will be my strength...
i want to live in freedom...
pain pain pain but i will overcome...
i will fight till the end...
i will not let my heart be so easily hurt again...
whatever have been said have already been said...
no turning back anymore...
it's walking on the tight rope now...
an overcomer i shall live...
a child of God

God, be real now...

get away from me...

the constant urge of going back to it but the resistance within me is stronger than ever.
i am not going to bow down this time. it is over. i will never talk about it anymore.
too painful. too deep this time round.
never to allow something like this to happen anymore.
no more. no even a slight chance of it happening again because it is out of bound to anyone.
no one is ever going to gain access to it ever again.
i need no sympathy from anyone.
no one.
yes, it doesn't matter anymore.

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

the greatest thing in knowing You...

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.

all things can fail you.
man-made promises that seem too vulnerable to hold on to.
promises that sound like sweet honey that only proved to be venom in disguise.
promises that cause you to become vulnerable only to be invaded by pain and hurts.
no longer do i stand on those promises.
no longer do i operate solely on those promises.
the only promise i hold on to now is my identity in Him.
nothing i hold on to except the promises of God and the call that He put in my life.
i will live to fight another day.
i will live to love You, to bring You praise, a child in awe of You.
no one is going to take this away from me.
no words is going to bring me down.
no emotions is going to make me fall.
the only thing that i look forward to now is seeing You glorified.
the only thing i live for.
You put me in this place and i will look to You to accomplish it.
only You can make the change.
only You can cause it to rise above.
no words can break me.
no words can make me feel small
because i know You are in me and with me.

i will follow Your heart.
i will become a child again...



Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

tears flow down my cheeks as i reflect back on the last few months while driving home.

too many broken relationships, too much pain, too much mistrust, too much uncertainty, too much miscommunication, too much under-currents, too many unmet expectations, too much pressure...

i can slowly feel it swallowing up my heart. i need to fight this, i need to overcome it! i am not going to let this take my heart away... NO! i will fight! i will fight with everything within me... all my strength, all my mind... everything! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

I will keep declaring this song...

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

[Chorus:]
You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me

All the way my Savior leads me