I have lost many friends throughout the years and probably have lost many which I was suppose to gain. I didn't have school friends cause all my time was spent in church, same as army. I don't count it as a loss, I don't see myself sacrificing a big part of my life. I don't see it as a sacrifice. it's not a sacrifice. I see it as a gain. I see it as my portion, inheiritance and my whole life. I'd probably lose more in the years to come but I know this life I'm living is so much more fulfilling than having lots of friends. it's a journey that I have to take, it's a journey that I'd grown to embrace. I don't know how long I'm going to live for but I want to use all of my remaining days for His sole purpose.
I felt that I'd found my life verse.
Psalm 27:4-6 - One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble, he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.
I felt that this verses accurately depicts my life up till this point. i love to dwell in His presence. Being in His presence makes me forget about the pains, hurts and struggles in my life. That's my secret place, that's my resting place.
I'd finally found my peace. i'm no longer affected by it. I'd come to love my own peace more than anything. dwelling in His presence is so much more important than anything else. i am no superman and I cannot save anyone. j, I didn't save you, it was Him who saved you. I can't save anyone, I can only love. I can only be around but He has to be the one to save every single one of them.
to you (if you even read this)
i don't hold any grudges against you or hold anything that's negative towards you. i'm done with this season and I hope you're done too. I always believe and I know it's a long journey. I can't be there for you anymore and I can't always look out for you. I don't want to take responsibility or your life. it's your life and only you can take responsibility for your life. you are right that I can't save you. I can't. just live your own life from now on and make your own decisions. don't have to be affected by me (if you're not then that's good.), I shouldn't be affecting you at all. so move along and do your stuff and In His time, you will see the light. remember, nobody is against you. no one is, only yourself.
Oh, and I'm going back to school again.
