Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Real World

I'm back again... It's been a long break from blogging and it's not that i was busy but i just didn't feel the urge to blog and stuff. I know it seem so emotional but that's just me. It's been a crazy past 2 years. Got into a new relationship,moved out and stayed on my own, changed job, almost got engaged, broke up, new job, new job, new job, crazy partying etc... Just didn't know what was happening to my life. On one part, it seem like my social circle just got bigger but on the other, it seem to be less inter-personal, more strife, artificial, back stabbing... I suppose this is what you call, "the real world". "The Real World" gives you an impression that everyone is interested in knowing you but there is always a objective or a catch behind it. It might be a recommendation to someone or something, or a big discount on something, a agenda to find out some information or something. It's just so tiring to deal with this everyday. You just got to keep being on alert and guard yourself from being hurt, used or manipulated. It is so different from the world that i grew up in. Somehow being in the Fashion industry seem like it's on a higher percentage of this happening or would i say, it's happening 24/7. Everyone is trying to get a piece of you. Everyone wants in on the things that gives biggest pie. Everyone wants to be associated with you once you're on top, even to the expense of millions of dollars. It's just so crazy. so so so so so crazy. I'm tired. i'm exhausted. It's just taking the crap out of me. I just want to go away to a freaking mountain and be a monk. hopefully the Himalayas.

Friday, December 28, 2012


I'll never forget you...

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Do we really know who we are? In the history of mankind, man have always been trying to find the real being. Some find it in the way we behave, some in the style we dress up and many, relationships that they have. Many indulge i the relationship aspect as they think that they'll find themselves when they fall in love and someone love them back just the way the do.

But do they really feel loved all the time? My answer is NO!

There will be many times when the other person will fail you and not love you back the same way you would want it to be. People will fail you. It's a whole cycle of loving people that's controlling the world right now. Imagine a world that has so much love for one another and no ones wake up feeling unloved. Isn't that a perfect picture of a wonderful world? I wish the world was like that. I wish i could wake up every morning feeling loved. But i know i can never experience that when i try to look for a human form to fulfill that. Somewhere down the line, someone is going to have a bad day and spur something wrong from their mouth and the whole cycle just goes back into a circle again. So, is that all we're going live with and the cycle just keep going round and round? My answer is NO again!

There are choices that we can choose to make our lives better. Here's some of the choices that i have made over the years.

1. Always choose to respond in love.
Nothing will going wrong when we respond in love. Responding in love means we take the focus off ourselves and instead focus on the other person and find ways to love the person. It means die to our rights to feel misunderstood, misjudged and unloved. A total altruistic display of love for the other person.

2. Choose not to be affected by other people's words.
History have shown how gossips have killed many people and relationships. Don't fall into the trap of gossip. Guard your peace and sanity. Don't be robbed of it just because someone said something that's not true.

3. Say sorry when you need to.
Apologize! A lot of time, we don't have the courage to apologize cause that puts us in a place of vulnerability.When we don't apologize, walls are built up around relationships and all of a sudden, you realized that the wall have been built up so high and so thick that you can see the other person on the other side. You try hacking and jumping as high as you can over the wall and you don't seem to be able to fully hack down the wall and you realized it's too thick and high for you to do anything about it. That's when you totally lose the relationship and a friend.

4. Always listen before judging or responding.
The number 1 killer of relationship is not listening. When we don't listen, we don't get the message that the other person is trying to say and when we respond without getting the full picture, we often say the wrong things and that damage relationships. Don't ever speak without hearing the full story. SHUT UP and LISTEN!

There are many more things but the most important to remember is in 1 Cor 13.

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

It talks about the 3 most important things in life and it ends off with say, "But the greatest of these is love." Always remember, love knows no boundaries. In fact, love tears down walls and cause reconciliation. People are willing to die for love and do anything just to gain it. So are you willing to use love as the greatest weapon to silence the evil one?

If you woke up this morning, just like me, feeling unloved, don't look inside and dwell at the miseries. Look out and enjoy the creation of the Father and thank God that you're breathing and wide awake now. Life was the greatest gift that you received today and you weren't like the many kids, dying in the middle of the night, in cold freezing winter.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Look IN or Look OUT?

Sitting in a cafe this morning, i just had this thought came into my mind.

The big I word. IDENTITY

It's a human problem since the start of creation. Everyone deal and struggle with identity. Because we don't know our identity, our survival and self beliefs doesn't function in the way it's suppose to be and it constantly threaten our very existent on this earth. It threaten our value system and often cause us to think of ourselves lower than who we actually are.

There are days when we wake up and we feel like the most powerful person on this planet earth and we can take on almost anything that comes our way and we feel like we have the capability to save the world. But there are also days when we dread waking up and all we really wanna do is to dig a hole underneath the bed and stay there for the rest of our lives. We all have our moments like these isn't it? Have a thought about it. We know we are powerful and we can actually change the world but why are we not doing it? Cause we are constantly living in the "look inside and see how miserable i am" days. Constantly looking at ourselves and telling ourselves how miserable or bad we are, we can never change the world cause we don't even see the world.

Jesus was the perfect example of outward looking. He took the burden of the cross. He could have just decided along the way that it was too hard, tiring, painful and drop the cross halfway. But He did not. He was flogged but He didn't complaint. He took the full penalty of the cross, nothing less, no discount. He bled, tired, suffered the pain but He constantly looked upwards, away from the pain and humiliation, at the Father. It was that constant looking towards the Father that got Him to the end. Did He do that to gain anything? There was no fame, money or positions in that. There was no recognition of a famous man awaiting for Him at the end of that road. All there was were death, humiliation and pain awaiting at the end of the road from a human perspective. But He knew one thing. He had to complete the mission that the Father had tasked Him to do. That was the only reward He had. When He shouted, "Eloi Eloi Lama Shabathani!" meaning "My God! My God! why have You forsaken me?" it wasn't a cry of frustration or anger towards God but it was a physical display of how human He was to us as He is immortal. It was a display of His human form. I was imagining what the scene of heaven was and this could be it. The Father looking down at Jesus with all the angels and everyone's cheering Him on. The Father look at His precious child and with tears in His eyes says, "come on Jesus. just a little more. one more whip, one more road to walk, another hill to climb and it will be done. come on Jesus!" And when it was all over, the angels just burst into celebration and sang praise because they know that death have been defeated. That scene in heaven is something that my small little mind just made up which i know is much more majestic than it sound. Imagine what was on Jesus' mind when He was on going through all these? It was the joy of knowing that His Father would take pleasure in His obedience and knowing all His Father's children saved and redeemed because of His obedience. Because of this obedience, we no longer are bound by the chains of death and, You and I, can stand here today to receive and enjoy this abundant, perfect love of the Father with no strings attached.

So what kind of a life do we want to live? One that cry out misery, pain and destiny-less? or the one that speak of goodness, flowing with love, abundant with joy. Look outwards. I want to wake up every morning and know that i can change the world. I want to remember that i can give joy to a person in my life and that will change the world around me. I am powerful.

Live your life well. Look outwards and upwards.

Last Time

Last Time.

(Verse 1)
I'm sitting here thinking what to write
knowing that this will be my last
My mind tells me go but my heart defers
I just want you to know

If this was the last time i see you
i want my heart to stop
if this was the last time i hear you
i want my mind to lose all it's memories
there's just no one i wanna be with
only you

(Verse 2)
I know i can only love you from far
there is nothing more i can do
all i do is to wish you well my love
but i still want you to know

Saturday, August 14, 2010

i really don't need it

sitting here, reflecting on the day passed, i realized that i can shut the world out quite easily. i realized that many times i really don't need anyone around me at all. i'm happy with just myself, i can stay home the whole day, i can not talk anyone for as long as possible and i think that qualifies me for a place out in the woods or forest somewhere out there. i really don't need anyone. seriously, i will do just that. one day, i'll forget everyone and everything. one day, i will just disappear. i just need my time with Him. the only One that speaks truth to me. as i grow older, i realized that i hate being lied to. i really hate it now. i used to think that i rather hear something that makes me feel better than truth that will cut me deep but now, i rather hear the truth and even if they hurt, i don't care. i just don't want to be taken for a fool. i hate it.

people have been asking me the question. my reply? i don't need romantic relationships. i don't need it. i'm not rejecting it but at this moment of my life, i just don't see anyone that i want to spend the rest of my life with. my dream? i want to travel the world. i want to go around the world and spent the rest of my life going to places that no one wants to go to and show the people there the love of God.

break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Wednesday, August 04, 2010


i deleted it because i value the relationship above anything else.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

we'd come to an end.

i guess this is the end of the book. no more chapters ahead. this is the final word. the end it says. i think you're in a better place now. no more drama, no more sleepless nights, no more pains and hurts, no more crying at night, no more thinking if tomorrow's reaction will be different. it's a good place to be in. don't turn back again. don't come back to this hell ever again. stay where you are and enjoy your life. (: goodbye my friend. (: