get away from me...

the constant urge of going back to it but the resistance within me is stronger than ever.
i am not going to bow down this time. it is over. i will never talk about it anymore.
too painful. too deep this time round.
never to allow something like this to happen anymore.
no more. no even a slight chance of it happening again because it is out of bound to anyone.
no one is ever going to gain access to it ever again.
i need no sympathy from anyone.
no one.
yes, it doesn't matter anymore.

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

the greatest thing in knowing You...

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.

all things can fail you.
man-made promises that seem too vulnerable to hold on to.
promises that sound like sweet honey that only proved to be venom in disguise.
promises that cause you to become vulnerable only to be invaded by pain and hurts.
no longer do i stand on those promises.
no longer do i operate solely on those promises.
the only promise i hold on to now is my identity in Him.
nothing i hold on to except the promises of God and the call that He put in my life.
i will live to fight another day.
i will live to love You, to bring You praise, a child in awe of You.
no one is going to take this away from me.
no words is going to bring me down.
no emotions is going to make me fall.
the only thing that i look forward to now is seeing You glorified.
the only thing i live for.
You put me in this place and i will look to You to accomplish it.
only You can make the change.
only You can cause it to rise above.
no words can break me.
no words can make me feel small
because i know You are in me and with me.

i will follow Your heart.
i will become a child again...



Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

tears flow down my cheeks as i reflect back on the last few months while driving home.

too many broken relationships, too much pain, too much mistrust, too much uncertainty, too much miscommunication, too much under-currents, too many unmet expectations, too much pressure...

i can slowly feel it swallowing up my heart. i need to fight this, i need to overcome it! i am not going to let this take my heart away... NO! i will fight! i will fight with everything within me... all my strength, all my mind... everything! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

I will keep declaring this song...

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

[Chorus:]
You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me

All the way my Savior leads me

a place of silence...

Once again, the revival of a blog that has gone through many many discontinuation...

i'm learning much more about who i am and how i react to different things, what are my weakness and what cause me to lose sight of who i am and what i am doing...

many many things are happening now... i have no idea why but i guess this is the season of trusting Him and putting all that i have on the line and giving Him the total control over my life... i can't fathom the happenings in my life and all i want to do is rest rest rest...

I will follow You and give You my heart, soul, mind and strength... EVERYTHING...

Pursuit

And now the day, where Americans will cast their votes to choose their next leader that will try to bring them across another milestone. i hope they will choose correctly.

It has been a good week. I'd got my new iphone! Made a deal with chaoky. He buy me iphone, i buy him nokia E66 as christmas present... hahaha... good deal...

Anyway, i shared during teen cell on friday on the pursuit of God in our lives. Many times, we pursuit but often on the wrong things. Jesus said in the beatitudes, "Blessed are those who thirst and hunger, for they will be satisfied" Very often, we focus on the thirst and hunger but what is more important here is satisfaction. When we thirst and hunger for the right things, then we will be satisfied. If we are not satisfied when we are thirsty and hungry, then we are on the wrong things. When we pursuit God and the things of God, He satisfy us in His promises.

When we pursuit Him, five different things happens.
1. We are more focus on a specific purpose
2. Pursuit cause us to be diligent
3. Pursuit energizes us with vision and desire
4. Pursuit stir your creative juices and abilities
5. Pursuit makes our live purpose-driven

How we pursuit determine our lives. This means that how our lives are depends on our pursuit. When we pursuit the things of the world, our lives then to be dull, stressful and often land in the bad day mode. But when our pursuit is on the things of God and on Him, then often it's being put in the blessing column. God always bless the people who pursuit Him with everything. When we put our whole life on pursuiting Him, He will make our paths straight and our hearts right. That's not a just a phrase, that is a blessing. God is in the business of blessing people. He's always waiting for us to discover our gifts and talents that He had put in us and when we discover it, He cause it to prosper and uses it for His glory.

Like the old saying... we'll only get God if we want Him.

God, make me all about You. make my pursuit of life be You and You alone...

Another day...

finally got my new skin to work! haha... time for a new change of appearance. oh well...

just wanna post a short one here and upload some photos...

i can feel the long year-end schedules coming right at me now... it feels relax now but it's usually the calm before the storm. so i hope that i will go through this year-end with much to share! stay tune and adious!

Carried To The Table

Carried To The Table

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

i'm ready to go where You want me to.
i will follow You all the way...

Another one has fallen...

Heard the news this afternoon when melvin sent me the link to the report. Mike G of Planet Shakers Church, the one who wrote "Healer" on the new Hillsong Album, was actually faking his illness all these while. He is absolutely fine and healthy.

This got me wondering what is happening to the Church. Why has the Church gone to such state? Somehow, God led me to spend the last two days google-ing ministers that have fallen to sin. Many of them fall into the temptation of the world. Money, Sexual Sin and Power, the very thing that Jesus warns us about. Think about this, all these men are thought to be the ones that is passionate about His kingdom and the Word but one by one they have fallen to the sins of this world.

I realized that this can happen to any one of us. Even the so-called "anointed ones" have fallen, so what make us less vulnerable? The very fact that we constantly need the saving grace of God is evidence that none of us are able to say with confidence that we not fall into sin for the rest of our lives till the time we meet our Creator. We need to be accountable to people, brothers and sisters in Christ, that will help us stay in the destiny of God and in a strong relationship with God. Everyone of us need that. That's the only way we can stay in the right path. When we enter into this kind of accountability relationship, we are entering into a lifetime relationship that allows both parties to speak into each other's life and to instill discipline when needed.

New season... New mandates...

Throughout the conference, the unifying theme of social justice was evidence that God is not only working and speaking to the Churches of Singapore but He is speaking to His universal Church as a whole, the Church of Jesus Christ. It's amazing to see different speakers from different parts of the world coming together and sharing the same heart despite being thousand of miles apart in their daily lives. It was helped by the fact that whatever that the 40 days of fast booklet was emphasizing on that week.

When i first heard God say go for Hillsong Conference at the beginning of the year, i was excited as i thought God was finally sharing His heart with me about worship. I continued to seek God throughout the months and as it draws closer to the conference, God was moving in a different way and during our Family Camp in Melaka, God started speaking to me about His heart and my serving. God was again stirring my heart for ministry. I followed and continued to seek Him through the busy month of June. In the week that i was preparing to leave, i was asking God what He wants me to learn in Hillsong Conference as i have a feeling that He's not going to bring me all the way to Australia (considering all the finances needed just to make the trip) just to teach me about worship. All i got was this, "Go and keep quiet... Hear My heart..." So in my heart i was thinking, "oh, He ready to share His heart of worship with me" I left Singapore Airport with that understanding.

I arrived in Sydney on Monday afternoon, after a short transit in the Perth Airport, with much excitement. (reason being that this is my first trip to Australia!) I met up with my conference team and before long, we were in the Acer Arena for the opening session. It was in the second opening session that night that God started speaking. Judah Smith was the speaker of the second session and He brought the message of embracing the identity of a son of God with the passage from Luke 15 on the Prodigal Son. The punch line that night "son not by worth but son by birth". I had to leave that place with tears in my eyes embracing a new identity and a new understanding of who i am in the Family of God.

Over the next few days, God continued to share His heart for His church and His people but more importantly, He was preparing me for the season ahead. God used 5 different sessions to form the basis of the next season for me. Joel Houston, Paul DeJong, Joyce Meyer, Marcos Witts and Judah Smith were the speakers.

Joel Houston - Basis of worship leading and social justice
Paul DeJong - The prophetic voice
Joyce Meyer - Transition from serving to leading
Marcos Witt - Being strong in my weaknesses and serving through my weaknesses
Judah Smith - Being His instrument

Despite Hillsong Church being known for their worship, i must say that the amount of worship that i learnt compared to the heartbeat of God is miles away. 10% worship and 90% His heartbeat sums it all up for the learning process. Nonetheless, the worship in that place was fantastic, majestic and professional yet God-led. Imagine seeing the Hillsong Team, Israel Hougton and Leeland on the same platform, the atmosphere was amazing.

Although hearing people sharing that how much of the worship in that is due to hype but being there to experience it, it was not hype but an expressed expressiveness of the excitement towards God in people's heart. I believe this is what God is calling His Church to be, to live out in physical the excitement towards Him in our worship time and our lives.

After the conference, i had 2 days to roam around Sydney before heading down to Melbourne on a overnight train ride. I thank God for giving me a opportunity not just attend Hillsong Conference but also to have a break in Australia. I had an enjoyable time in Melbourne and was able to visit Vicky in Tasmania. (I have uploaded all my photos into my facebook account, please feel free to go and take a look at the things that i did in Australia.)

An episode with God.

While i was in conference, i started having pain and later swelling in the right side of my mouth. I couldn't eat for 4 days as i wasn't able to open my mouth to put the food in and water was all i could muster. I started complaining to God and then He spoke to me. The pain that i felt was the same pain that the poor felt. Many times when the poor walk around the streets and seeing people with food on their table but none on their own, that was what they felt. It was the same pain that the Father felt when He sees His children having food on the table while the poor have nothing. Straight away, i knew i had to stop complaining and started to dialogue with Him. I said to Him, "Papa, so what should we do?" He said, "Feed the poor". There and there i know God is turning my eyes to the poor and the needy. Later that night, He gave me a test immediately.

I was walking back to hostel after conference and i saw this backpacker sitting at the junction of the road with a sign, "Need help for a room and a hot coffee" In my natural mode, i would normally walk away and not think about it, but as i walk and walk and walk, the Holy Spirit just kept saying, "Hello! Hello! Poor and needy" I knew i couldn't ignore it, i walk back to the junction and gave the fellow money enough for 2 nights and meals. This is just how God teaches me. Giving me a opportunity to put into actions what i learnt. Faith with works and works without faith accumulate to nothing.

James 2:20 - 24
20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

Fragile-ness of life...

Saw this while surfing around and once again, the fragile-ness of life. Please pray for this family and pray that Steven Curtis Chapman will continue to write songs for Him.

Christians! Time to rise up!

I was walking along the row of shop houses after having lunch and came across a newspaper stand selling a copy of today's Newpaper and there in the headlines are reactions of the public towards both of the NMPs one whom which is anti-377A and the other pro-377A. Read the report on it and realised that Prof Thio is actually the one who went to Israel on the same trip with Ian. Hearing the kind of abuse that have been hurled at her makes me understand what Jesus was talking about when He told His disciples that they have to lay down their rights and lives in order to follow Him.

This is the time where Christians are called upon to stand up for truth, making sure that our views are being heard and that the world knows what our values are and where we stand. I believe this is not just an echo of what Jesus have taught us, as Christians, but reading reports, the Muslims are also championing the keep377A cause. This is the moral side of the human being that is called upon now. Even from this issue, we see the strong family values which Singapore is founded upon, the foundational truths on which Singaporeans lived by, the code of moral conducts which Singaporeans stand by.

While writing this post, i started reading Prof Thio's speech in parliament and i see so much truth from a christian who is making a impact in the secular world. A christian who's voice is being heard in the government right now. One that stand close to her foundation and making history in the way that she knows and called to. We need more of Prof Thio in this world. Christians need to rise up in their arenas and make their voices heard. Christians need to rule in their arenas and roar as a lion, taking charge of it.

Good job Prof Thio! You are roaring as a lion in your arena!

Let's stand as intercessors for this nation. Pray for more christians in their arenas to start roaring and taking charge of their arenas. Pray for Christians youths to understand the importance of this and to begin living their lives for this purpose. Young people need to know why they are studying and what they are studying. Not just for a good job or a better life next time but the fact that they can be used as a vessel in their arenas by God.

I believe that God is making YC to be a ministry like this. Raise up young people who would rule in their arenas and be a vessel so that God's presence and truth can be brought into that place and rule. So for all those YC-ers who are still studying, this is the biggest reason why you should be studying and let it be your motivation from now on. We want to be people who is equipped so that when the time comes and we are called upon, we can serve! The first batch of YC-ers are already going out to their arenas to serve and this is the first test that God is giving to YC. Let's press on and continue to follow closely with God and see His hands work among us as we bring good news after good news of how YC is impacting the nation and nations.

Out of my second retirement...

Finally I'm back again... Out of my second retirement from the blogging world. I'd heard many chants from faraway land demanding for my return and thus i have decided to come out of my retirement and join in the blogging fun again...

An update on my life...

I'm back to work in church again. My last post was a tribute to dear Aunty May, who have made such a big difference in my life and many times, changing the bad habits that reside in me. I started work in March in church to help tide over the sudden shortage of manpower in the admin department but that started the whole journey to where i am today. Today i am a staff in church, doing the things that i like and having my dream career.

Many people have come up to me and ask me why do i want to work in church? I believe the desire comes from a gratitude to PAPA God for molding me into the person i am today. Without Him, i would have been like many of my childhood friends (i grew up in Chinatown), being a pest to the society, adding to the numbers reflected in the statistics of youth criminals in singapore, potentially being the next victim of socially unsounded upbringing and another number in the statistics of underage parents. I wonder if this is enough reasons for me to give all my life to Him or not? Call this my testimony or what? Up to you...

So what do i do in church?

Well, i sleep, play playstation and guitar... haha, just joking! We are still in the midst of defining my job scope but i would mainly be in charge of the technical stuff in church as well as the video ministry. Lots of maintenance and videoing! That's my kind of work... I guess sharpening my guitar-playing skills also fall into this... ahaha!

I am happy and honored to be able to serve alongside my family at kum yan.


So, what have God been teaching me?

God is such a big part of my life. Many times, decisions and plan depends on Him and those times when it doesn't, it fails badly and often, painful. God have been faithful in giving me the desires of my heart and He hasn't change since the first day i knew Him. God is bringing into this new season of declaration and stepping up. It's more than just doing or taking more things up but it's an outburst of what's inside and pushing beyond the human emotional barrier and living that life of freedom out. It's an outflow of the understanding of God's greatness and power within one and allowing it to manifest on the outside. This have inevitably changed the way i worship or lead worship. It's calling the "Lion Roar" within me to roar outwards. Go beyond your emotions, take away the hurts and live freely seems to be the constant nudge of the Holy Spirit nowadays.

Do you feel the excitement in worship nowadays? I do! and i want to express it! I am not going to be stagnant in my worship, no more passive worship but more extravagant, power-packed, high praise worship. Lift up the praise! Give Him what He deserve! Worship Him because He is here! Let your hair down and enjoy every moment of giving everything to Him.

Let me share with you my insights on worship...

Worship is a time where we are free to be who we are and not be affected by anyone when we display our affections to Him. It is also a time where we allow our gratitudes and love for God to be displayed on a outward human expression. A time where God become the focus and we become nothing. A time of gathering all that is within ourselves and offering it as a living sacrifice to God. Declaring His character traits and declaring the promises that He gives to us as His children. Celebrating the awesomeness of His presence and adoring His faithfulness in our lives. This is worship. Declaring truths and engaging the Holy Spirit which the Bible teaches. "In Spirit and In Truth"

Try to imagine my definition in a worship? I totally agree with Pastor Sam when he spoke the last time round and told YC about how we should respond on a outward way to worship. The attitudes that we bring to worship. How we respond in worship. The Church need to learn this! If we as His children cannot worship Him in a free way then who can? We need to break out of our stagnant-ness and get ready every time we worship. We need to be on time for worship. We need to prepare ourselves for worship. We need to be excited about worship. We need to be ready for worship. We need to engage in the spiritual realm in worship. We need to be passionate about worshipping our God. We need to worship... Let's worship together...

The end... Quite a lot for my first post after my second retirement. Guess there will be more. I hope to be able to update this blog more and hopefully i can set aside time to do this... That's all for now... Remember, worship...

Another re-entry...

Once again, i'm back to the world of blogging. Before the riot at parliament house, demanding my return, gets out of hand, i decided that i should ease all tension and get back to business.

It's been a long 2 months of busy-ness and lots of things have happened. From shifting to finishing up my graduation paper, every thing that happen allow me to see how big God is in my life.

Now... for that moment of "truth"

The last post that i had was 9 Dec and it was talking about how God spoke to me about serving. Since then, it has been an roller coaster ride for me. Many things happened and i realized that many times, you want to be that perfect person but somehow something will happen and you won't be perfect anymore. Many times, in serving, you always want to be a perfect leader, perfect in everything, nothing to repent of, nothing to deal with but i realized in the last two months that God is not looking for that kind of leader. The leader that i know God is looking for is someone who is definitely not perfect, broken before Him, always repenting of the things that the Holy Spirit convict of, ready to not look good. In the end, it's not about be a perfect leader, it's about being a broken leader that is willing to lay down everything, including his own life, for God's will. I'm asking God to constantly break me and show me the way to walk. So, don't look to be a perfect leader, look to be a broken one.

Finally my graduation project is over! Time to look for a job and start earning some "yusoff ishak". Still waiting for some replies. oh well, i'm just laying this down in God's hands and allowing Him to bring me to the right place. Well, i believe that even when you're out in the world working, He can still use you to be His light and shine. Even if you're just doing a part-time job, you are entitled to shining for Him. So take hold of the opportunities that God have placed in your hands. Don't waste it.

Since it's valentines' day , i want to take this opportunity to wish everyone who is reading this post a "Happy Valentines' Day!". For all those who is attached, i pray that God had given you a romantic valentines' day outing with your other half, and for those who are not (like myself) don't be sad and always look on the bright side! Imagine having to pay ridiculous price for that bouquet of flowers! you would have rather spend that money on yourself. wahaha!

Alright, i guess this is the end of my "return post". I will try to update as often as possible. Hope you guys enjoy reading this post. Good day and see ya mates!

Back Again...

It's has been a long 1 month break from blogging. Many things have been happening and my life is just so interesting now.

Recently, i have been on a eating spree with a group of friends from church. We meet every week to spend some time eating and looking for good dessert places. Some of our en devours are like peranakan, botak jones, mummy's food, julian's cooking, BBQ, nepalese and many more to come. From a just meet once a week kind of meeting, now it has become where we meet almost everyday. haha! just so interesting to see how a community can be started just so easily. I realised that human beings always crave for relationship. That's how God have made us to be. We were created to have a relationship with Him and because of that very nature, we also want to have a relationship with everyone we know. (The relationship i'm talking about here is purely a social rather than a romantically one.) So, i believe that God wants us to have relationships with everyone that we know. I guess there is no more excuses of "i just am not that kind of a person." Let's be on this relationship discovering journey and allow God to show us how much He can use our lives if we live for His purpose.

Just like i said in the first part of this entry, lots of things have happened. Some distressing, some happening and some joyful. For the distress part, my favourite aunty sally aka csm was diagnosed with having leukemia. Another case of this over the last 2 years, aunty lydia, kangfei and now aunty sally. I can so clearly hear God shouting, "Live Your Life Right!!!!" i realised that God can also put me in the same situation and take me home just like that but i know i'm not done with my life here yet. The promises and the destiny that He had for my life is not fulfilled yet and i know my time is not up yet. I must live my life right and according to His plan.

Some joyous things for now. I'm at the end of my course! hooray!!!! It has been a long 8 months. I guess time passes real fast while you are studying and suddenly you are faced with your final exams and your graduating project. For my graduating project, i'm going to do a article on the church music of today. Something that is really precious on my heart. Something that i want to do for the rest of my life. "Church Music"

The new ky church building is almost done and we are in the midst of preparing to shift back. I'm beginning to feel all the excitement of God has for ky. New ky people into the new ky building. I just can't wait for the first note to be played in the new sanctuary and the worship that is going to explore from it. A long wait. 1 year and 10 months to be exact. so exciting!

Finally, i'm back in ministry. I'm beginning to be involve in ministry again and more focused on worship this time round. Ready to follow the call God has on my life and ready to pursue it with all i have. I was reading Darlene Zschech's newest book, "The kiss of heaven" and it's giving me so much insight on pursuing the dream that God has for me. One sentences says this, "whatever it is that you truly value, that is where you'll place your time, energy, attention, finances, love and devotion." I'm slowly understanding what this mean. It means that you will give everything to the thing that you are passionate about! It's about God and it's about giving Him everything! It also means that when He calls you to a certain ministry, that where you give everything you have to build that ministry. What big revelation! haha! I am asking God to lead me and allow me to pursue this passion that He have given to me. "Papa God, i'm ready!"

There is just too much photos to upload now. I will try to slowly upload it and hopefully allow you to see the happenings in my life. For now, i need to sleep and get enough rest for a soccer match tomorrow morning at 10am. Hope you enjoyed reading this entry and the same old words, hope it will trigger you into thinking of your passion and your destiny in God. Adious...

Made To Worship...

Made To Worship
Chris Tomlin

(Verse)
Before the day
Before the light
Before the world revolved around the sun
God on high
Stepped down into time
And wrote the story of His love for everyone

(Pre-Chorus)
He has filled our hearts with wonder
So that we always remember

(Chorus)
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be

(Verse)
All we are
And all we have
Is all a gift from God that we receive
Brought to life
We open up our eyes
To see the majesty and glory of the King

(Pre-Chorus)
He has filled our hearts with wonder
So that we always remember

(Bridge)
Even the rocks cry out
Even the heavens shout
At the sound of His Holy name
So let every voice sing out
Let every knee bow down
He's worthy of all our praise

This is one post that have been on my heart for a long time ever since the first time i listened to this song. Look at the words and see the heart. It's the outpouring of a worshipper. Not the constant urge of being in the limelight or on stage but the neverending push to worship the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

The chorus give us the summary of our life purposes on earth. We were made to worship. That's the reason why God created this earth. Called to love the Creator God and those that He created. We are forgiven and free when we embrace surrender. When we choose to believe, then we will see who we were meant to be. So will you be a worshipper today and forever more? I am created to worship and i will live this life of worship forever.

(Chorus)
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be

Finally, i am back!

I'm finally back to the place where i belong. The familiar feeling is coming back and i'm enjoying every single bit of it.

It has been a mixed feelings for the last few days. Received news that a pastor in the US was accused of having monetary sexual relationship with a male prostitute and also using of a sex enhancing drug. The church that the pastor served at is actually a church that is well known for their worship and also the connection that they have with Focus On The Family. In my mind, i know it's end times. The enemy is trying to bring everyone that he sees as a threat down and trying to break the unity of the world church body.

Couldn't sleep last night. Was tossing around in bed and felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to pray for Pastor Ted and the church. I'm prayed and finally got to sleep around 4.30am. I can feel the feeling of being a watchman. Prayer is anytime and anywhere. Be sensitive to the spirit.

Had the first jamming after our worship cell and it was a good time. It was tiring but fulfilling. Although we only did one song (many times over and over again!) but i guess we learned lots of things. How to gel as a team, patience and lots of understanding of each other's strength. It was fun! Lord i pray that You will give us more of these kind of times...

This coming saturday is going to be our first worship seminar. I'm looking forward to hearing God and hearing His heartbeat for worship in my life and in Kum Yan. It's going to be a significant time. All the 6 congregations will come together as a worship ministry of Kum Yan, listen to the same message and get the same heart for worship.

Attended my first ministry leaders meeting on saturday after a long break. It was a intimate time. Once again, i'm back and ever so ready to serve again but this time, i'm determined to stay focused. I'm not going to let anything deter me away from God's call on my life. Nothing gonna change it, no one gonna take it away. So much new things, so many new leadings. We are gonna take this world by storm! Watch out! world here we come!

Pictures of my new church! 1 more month to having lifts again!

Ground floor

Night View

Nice shot...

Quote Of The Day
"I'm determine to stay focus. Are you?"

More exciting times...

It's getting more and more exciting. I can hear papa God saying, "It's time now! Now!" I'm seeing so much of God's call for KY and YC, and the call to this joshua generation on me. I need to be a watchman for this generation and to make sure that God's words is released to this generation.

I'm understanding the whole worship journey that God have allowed me to walk and understand the whole reason behind it.

From the beginning where playing in worship was a showcase of my gift, a venue where i can make myself feel good and look good, now it has become a place where i know i'm serving God, an understanding of what worship is, knowing that everytime i get to stand up on stage to play, it is by the grace of God. It was such a long journey. God have to take 7 years to teach me that but i'm thankful for it because it is such a precious journey. I would not want to trade anything for it. thank You papa God for the time You took to teach me such an important lesson.

There is so much stuff that needs to be done to fulfill my destiny but i know that papa God will give me the strength and anointing to fulfill it. It's not going to be by my own strength or might but everything will come by the strength and guidance of papa God. I am waiting. Still waiting.

Have you ever wonder if God will give anointing to allow you to play an instrument just instantly? I believe He does but also in it comes the responsibility to practice it. Some of us might receive the anointing and some of us might not. (some of us might not even ever play an instrument despite how much we try!) For those who receive the anointing, thank God for it. It's for a purpose that God release that anointing. Pray and ask God to continue to grow you in that instrument and give you even more anointing to play and minister with it. Many of us usually slacken after we get to a certain proficiency level and is contented with it. Now to address those that doesn't receive the anointing to play instantly. What can we do? I present to you the five steps.

Step 1 - ask God for the anointing!
Because in His word, it says "ask and you will receive" so when we ask, we receive. Now this is the difficult part. If we ask and we receive, then what makes us different from those who receive the anointing to play instantly? My explaination is that everyone have a different anointing and God chooses to work in different ways. In some of us, it requires the second step. Here it is.

Step 2 - Practice, Practice and Practice.
This is the only physical way to improve in your instrument apart from asking God for anointing. In the bible times, the tribe of Levi was chosen to be the levites for the temple of God and to minister to the Lord. The levites of the tribe of Levi did not serve in the temple till they were 30 years old. That means, they were trained from young till the time they were 30 before they actually serve in the tabernacle of God. So it is biblical to be trained and to spend time to master your instruments to a level where it is giving God the best that we have. Thank God that we are not living in the old bible times because if that's the case, then lots of us will not be serving! (including me!) Asking God for anointing, in my experience, will speed up the process of you mastering the instrument. It has been proven in my life. I asked God for anointing and within a year, i was able to play in worship proficiently.

Step 3 - Ask people for help.
Many times, we need some help to move on to the next level of playing our instruments. Many times, we try to figure something which we don't understand without knowing that asking for help from someone that is more experience in playing that instrument will speed up the process. Here, we are actually dealing with pride issues. Asking for help doesn't means we are being incompetent. Asking for help means that we are willing to learn more and is teachable. Don't ever stop learning and most importantly, don't ever stop asking for help. There will always be someone better than you in this world.

Step 4 - Be accountable to someone.
Be accountable to someone for the progress of your skills. That person can be anyone but most preferably someone who is in the worship ministry and best if it's someone who is proficient in your instrument, godly and believe in your call. This will allow him or her to gauge where you are in terms of skills and your progress. He or she also serve as a spiritual mentor where spiritual inputs are being given too! Being in the worship ministry need both spiritual and physical (skills) excellency.

Step 5 - Stay close to your call.
This is the most important step. We can lose sight of our call and the reason why we are practicing our instrument. It's sticking close to your call will allow you to go through some of the toughest time when practicing your instrument. The fact is if it's easy to pick up an instrument then everyone one will be doing it but face the fact, it's not easy. So stay close to your call and more importantly, God.

That's the 5 steps that i have learnt over the years and i hope it will benefits you in a way or another. This can be applied to anything that you are doing. Working, studying, anything!

I hope that everyone that reads this will begin to think about their call and if there is anything that the Lord is showing you, share with me and i hope to be able to pray with you.

Quote Of The Day
"Know your call and focus on it."

Exciting times...

I am living in exciting times. I can feel and sense it in my spirit. So many things are happening. I'm sensing this excitment within my spirit and it's just waiting to burst out!

It was a long week. My last term of my Diploma started on monday. Just can't wait for this to end and bid farewell to secular studying. HaHa! Just can't wait. 4 modules this term plus a graduation project that is going to take alot out of me. Thank God that at least the modules this term are more interesting and more practical hands on stuff. The lecturers are also getting more interesting. You will learn more as i write more about them as the term passes.

Had two worship meetings this week. The first one was on tuesday which was held at my house. Cooked dinner for the committee. Carbonara, Salad, Clam Chowder and Garlic Bread sets the menu. We had fun at dinner. After that, it was down to real business. More work to be done and more things to talk on. Had a long meeting which stretch from 7pm till 11pm. Long meeting with more to be done which warrant another meeting on friday.

We met again on friday and this time round, we manage to do more and actually confirmed some stuff for the YC worship cell which is going to happen on the 29th of Oct. Not really finished with planning but at least we have the skeleton to the meeting. Can't wait for the 29th to have the worship cell.

I am beginning to find myself in familiar grounds again but this time round with more zeal and determination to stay focus and closer to God. It's time to step out again and again words are ringing in my head. Just as i'm typing this mail, i'm hearing God say "the first step to your destiny is to step out." What profound words. Sometimes i just don't understand why God can't speak to us in a full understandable, simple sentence. But it's the beauty of relationship with God, understanding what He says requires faith and it's faith building for us to keep hearing papa God say all these things. It requires faith for us to hear and obey the things without knowing what the next step is. I'm really enjoying this process. Hearing God, follow Him and then see the picture. And the whole cycle goes all over again. I'm enjoying this so much. Follow Him closely and wait on Him. I'm praying about the next step and see where God leads me.

Psalm 91 says "He who dwell in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." This is the promise of God. The moment we dwell in Him, we will be in His will. Nothing can separate us, nothing will draw us away. I used to think that worship fatigue will happen if we constantly play for worship but now i realise that it only happen if it becomes a job rather than serving papa God. Think about those who leads worship every sunday. Don't they feel burn out? Don't they have times that they don't feel like leading? Of course they do but it is that intimacy and closeness with God that gives them the strength to overcome all those emotions. I read a Paul Baloche's article recently and he was talking exactly the same thing. We need that closeness and intimacy with papa God to sustain us through the times of serving and giving of our lives to Him. Serving doesn't become a job, it becomes a lifestyle. It is a lifestyle of serving God that we need and not a ministry calling. Everyone of us is called to live that lifestyle of serving just like how Jesus came to be a Servant King. He served us because He loves us and that's the biblical principle of leadership in the Kingdom of God. The first will be the last and the last will be first. What is your principle of serving? Is it biblical?

Quote Of The Day

Decide today whether you want to serve or be served. I have decided to serve and i'm happily living it out. Choose for yourself.

I stand in awe of His glory...

I saw the most magnificient worship yesterday night. A worship that links the old hebrew style with the current modern worship. A worship that unite the generations together, a worship that glorifies the Father. It has started. The revolution has started.

It was the Feast of The Tabernacle yesterday. It feels like a celebration because i finished my exams on that same day and there is a actual reason to celebration but more than that, it is a celebration of going into the promised land, the rising up of a new generation that will usher in the presence of Jesus into the land of Singapore. It was a time of loud praises and dance. A worship of many languages marks the day. It's a worship that i will never forget. I saw the kind of worship that is just a small glimpse of heaven but enough to put me in awe. Imagine heaven's worship.

I feel like i'm starting to walk into the life that God have set for me. My destiny and purpose on this earth. WORSHIP. This is my call. So much things and words have been spoken. I am praying for my next step in life. Big decisions and many many implications.

Some things about my songwriting. I am beginning to get directions for it as i stick close to papa God. Sense God wanting to accelerate the process. Was talking to Sharon (coordinator for Feast of the Tabernacle) on wednesday and she somehow didn't know why but felt led to share it with me. She was sharing how God wants a new song from the land which has the flavour of Singapore in it. Just like how God gave Isreal the hebrew style of worship, He wants to give Singapore her own style of worship. The moment she shared that, my heart clicked and i knew straight away that God is speaking to me. I don't take that lightly because it is something that God is saying to me and i know He is giving me directions on how to write. Shortly after that, i spoke to audrey (walking on water's drummer) and she too talk to me about worship in singapore and how singapore is actually proficient enough to match up to the proficiency of overseas worship band. My heart totally agree with her because it is also a cry on my heart to see Singapore bless other nations with worship songs. I know the time is now and God is already raising up a new group of songwriters to write for Him. So rise up songwriters of the joshua generation! It's time to speak with our writings.

In a email sent to the core worship committee of YC, Pastor Lilian wrote this, "We are in the process of building a huge and powerful Joshua Generation Worship Team to usher in the King of Glory!!!" What a powerful statement! Listen up! Joshuas. It's time to rise up! It's time to be proactive. Know your destiny and identity. This is a generation that is raised up to worship and bring His presense in. Be serious about worship. It is our offering.

I have a leading to go with Rev. George to Israel next year for the prayer conference and to be part of the 120 joshuas that he talked about. The moment he shared about that, my heart jumped and i thank God for answering my prayer. I ask God to let me to go to Israel at least once in my life to see to see the children of Israel and immediately He opened a door for me. He is the God who hears and see our desires. There is other visions that i receive in relation to this prayer concert but it's not time yet to share. I am excited. Very excited. It's going to be a exciting time in the year to come.

"God, lead me as i lay my life down at Your altar. This life is Yours and Yours only. Use this life to bring Your glory to earth as it is in heaven. Use it in anyway as You deem fit and use it for Your sole purpose. My heart cries out to You and i'm desperate for Your glory to be shown in my life. Let my life be a sweet sweet offering to You. I dedicate my life to You and i pray that You would use it to advance Your worship on this earth."

I am ready to usher in the presence of Jesus into the nation of Singapore. Are you ready?

The start of a new season...

It's 1 more day before the end of my term 3 exams. Then it will be the final term before i get my diploma. It is going to end in 3 months time. Thank God for all His grace and mercy to bring me through this whole season of studying.

It is the start of a new season in my life. A start to new things that are happening in my life or rather, new directions.

I finally came to the end of my "ministry break". No ministry for the last 1 year has allowed me to understand more of God and His purpose in my life. Understanding everything that happened in my life that is going to play a part in the destiny that God have given me. The past 1 year have been a time of great struggles but also a time where i stand in awe of God at the end of it.

A breakdown of my journey so far...

1st 7 years of my christian life - God used it to allow me to love Him and to know Him and His character.

Last year - God used it to make me understand the meaning of loving Him. The real essense of what it means to love Him. He took this time to drill in the very essense of love and knowing Him, that is because of who He is. Not because of the ministry that i'm doing or the events that i'm running but it comes down to loving Him because of WHO HE IS and WHAT HIS CHARACTER IS.

Two questions that God asked me during this period was, "Will you still love me if I don't give you ministry anymore in your life and all you do is love Me and know Me?" and "Are you willing to be a fool for Me?"

All i can answer is "yes God, knowing You and loving You is all i need and nothing is more important than that. I am willing to be a fool for You! I don't care what other people say or think, all i know is that when i follow You, You take delight in me."

The coming years - God is leading me into a time where i need to follow Him closely. He wants to speed up the process of me fulfilling His destiny and to do that, i need to follow Him closely. I am feeling a sudden urgency to consecrate myself and to keep my spirit sensitive to Him. I am getting some directions about my next step but cannot reveal them now. I will share more in due time but for now, just pray along side me.

The next phase...

At this moment, i am serving in the worship ministry which is part of the plan that God have shown me for the next phase of my life. This is the ministry which i know that God is calling me to and at this time, i do not know what and when and how i'm going to fulfill the destiny that God have given me but i'm following closely to Him and allowing Him to lead me.

I hope that you are also feeling the excitements that i have in my heart. Initially, i felt that what God has shown me to be too big and large for me but through some conversations, God is assuring me that if i follow Him closely then He will show me how to do it. I know that the time is now and now. It is not next time or have passed but it is now! Now!

This have been a journey that i have been walking since the church camp in june. Everything is falling into place and i'm seeing day by day the little pieces being pieced together to form the bigger picture.

I will share more on my next post which i hope will be on sat after "The Feast Of The Tabernacle" on friday. Hopefully by then, i will receive even more and be able to share with you even more.

Don't worry guys, i am not being spiritual here. I am being myself. This is who i am and what i do. This is me...

Quote Of the Day

Follow God and follow closely. Only then can you excel at what you do.