why am i holding on to so much? i just want you to be happy that's all. in all my good intentions, i have ruin everything. i figure out that you don't need me anymore. i will embrace that truth. it hurts, really. but i have to live with that. i have to go through that. it has already been a prophecy that came through. it has to be like that.

i will miss you.

i r e a l l y d o n ' t k n o w. . .

woke up this morning and was really tired. major migraine but i didn't want the painkillers. decided to make a cup of tea as usual. i felt lost. i felt hopeless. i didn't have anything to look forward to. could really feel the weight of it. i don't know how long i can keep this up. standing infront of people and pretending nothing is happening, putting on a smile when i'm not fine. i need to find my footing now. i'm going to battle this.

i didn't want you to know about this at all. call me selfish or anything. i told you it's going to be ugly and it's not going to look pretty. it's really not her fault at all. she was just keeping the secret for me. do what you like, do anything you want. for now, i'm drawing away. i'm staying away.

There is just so much i want to tell you.