Senses of a child

L.O.V.E

2010-12-16T13:48:00.002+08:00

Do we really know who we are? In the history of mankind, man have always been trying to find the real being. Some find it in the way we behave, some in the style we dress up and many, relationships that they have. Many indulge i the relationship aspect as they think that they'll find themselves when they fall in love and someone love them back just the way the do.

But do they really feel loved all the time? My answer is NO!

There will be many times when the other person will fail you and not love you back the same way you would want it to be. People will fail you. It's a whole cycle of loving people that's controlling the world right now. Imagine a world that has so much love for one another and no ones wake up feeling unloved. Isn't that a perfect picture of a wonderful world? I wish the world was like that. I wish i could wake up every morning feeling loved. But i know i can never experience that when i try to look for a human form to fulfill that. Somewhere down the line, someone is going to have a bad day and spur something wrong from their mouth and the whole cycle just goes back into a circle again. So, is that all we're going live with and the cycle just keep going round and round? My answer is NO again!

There are choices that we can choose to make our lives better. Here's some of the choices that i have made over the years.

1. Always choose to respond in love.
Nothing will going wrong when we respond in love. Responding in love means we take the focus off ourselves and instead focus on the other person and find ways to love the person. It means die to our rights to feel misunderstood, misjudged and unloved. A total altruistic display of love for the other person.

2. Choose not to be affected by other people's words.
History have shown how gossips have killed many people and relationships. Don't fall into the trap of gossip. Guard your peace and sanity. Don't be robbed of it just because someone said something that's not true.

3. Say sorry when you need to.
Apologize! A lot of time, we don't have the courage to apologize cause that puts us in a place of vulnerability.When we don't apologize, walls are built up around relationships and all of a sudden, you realized that the wall have been built up so high and so thick that you can see the other person on the other side. You try hacking and jumping as high as you can over the wall and you don't seem to be able to fully hack down the wall and you realized it's too thick and high for you to do anything about it. That's when you totally lose the relationship and a friend.

4. Always listen before judging or responding.
The number 1 killer of relationship is not listening. When we don't listen, we don't get the message that the other person is trying to say and when we respond without getting the full picture, we often say the wrong things and that damage relationships. Don't ever speak without hearing the full story. SHUT UP and LISTEN!

There are many more things but the most important to remember is in 1 Cor 13.

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

It talks about the 3 most important things in life and it ends off with say, "But the greatest of these is love." Always remember, love knows no boundaries. In fact, love tears down walls and cause reconciliation. People are willing to die for love and do anything just to gain it. So are you willing to use love as the greatest weapon to silence the evil one?

If you woke up this morning, just like me, feeling unloved, don't look inside and dwell at the miseries. Look out and enjoy the creation of the Father and thank God that you're breathing and wide awake now. Life was the greatest gift that you received today and you weren't like the many kids, dying in the middle of the night, in cold freezing winter.

LOVE.

Look IN or Look OUT?

2010-12-15T13:39:00.003+08:00

Sitting in a cafe this morning, i just had this thought came into my mind.

The big I word. IDENTITY

It's a human problem since the start of creation. Everyone deal and struggle with identity. Because we don't know our identity, our survival and self beliefs doesn't function in the way it's suppose to be and it constantly threaten our very existent on this earth. It threaten our value system and often cause us to think of ourselves lower than who we actually are.

There are days when we wake up and we feel like the most powerful person on this planet earth and we can take on almost anything that comes our way and we feel like we have the capability to save the world. But there are also days when we dread waking up and all we really wanna do is to dig a hole underneath the bed and stay there for the rest of our lives. We all have our moments like these isn't it? Have a thought about it. We know we are powerful and we can actually change the world but why are we not doing it? Cause we are constantly living in the "look inside and see how miserable i am" days. Constantly looking at ourselves and telling ourselves how miserable or bad we are, we can never change the world cause we don't even see the world.

Jesus was the perfect example of outward looking. He took the burden of the cross. He could have just decided along the way that it was too hard, tiring, painful and drop the cross halfway. But He did not. He was flogged but He didn't complaint. He took the full penalty of the cross, nothing less, no discount. He bled, tired, suffered the pain but He constantly looked upwards, away from the pain and humiliation, at the Father. It was that constant looking towards the Father that got Him to the end. Did He do that to gain anything? There was no fame, money or positions in that. There was no recognition of a famous man awaiting for Him at the end of that road. All there was were death, humiliation and pain awaiting at the end of the road from a human perspective. But He knew one thing. He had to complete the mission that the Father had tasked Him to do. That was the only reward He had. When He shouted, "Eloi Eloi Lama Shabathani!" meaning "My God! My God! why have You forsaken me?" it wasn't a cry of frustration or anger towards God but it was a physical display of how human He was to us as He is immortal. It was a display of His human form. I was imagining what the scene of heaven was and this could be it. The Father looking down at Jesus with all the angels and everyone's cheering Him on. The Father look at His precious child and with tears in His eyes says, "come on Jesus. just a little more. one more whip, one more road to walk, another hill to climb and it will be done. come on Jesus!" And when it was all over, the angels just burst into celebration and sang praise because they know that death have been defeated. That scene in heaven is something that my small little mind just made up which i know is much more majestic than it sound. Imagine what was on Jesus' mind when He was on going through all these? It was the joy of knowing that His Father would take pleasure in His obedience and knowing all His Father's children saved and redeemed because of His obedience. Because of this obedience, we no longer are bound by the chains of death and, You and I, can stand here today to receive and enjoy this abundant, perfect love of the Father with no strings attached.

So what kind of a life do we want to live? One that cry out misery, pain and destiny-less? or the one that speak of goodness, flowing with love, abundant with joy. Look outwards. I want to wake up every morning and know that i can change the world. I want to remember that i can give joy to a person in my life and that will change the world around me. I am powerful.

Live your life well. Look outwards and upwards.

Last Time

2010-12-15T13:33:00.000+08:00

Last Time.

(Verse 1)
I'm sitting here thinking what to write
knowing that this will be my last
My mind tells me go but my heart defers
I just want you to know

(Chorus)
If this was the last time i see you
i want my heart to stop
if this was the last time i hear you
i want my mind to lose all it's memories
there's just no one i wanna be with
only you

(Verse 2)
I know i can only love you from far
there is nothing more i can do
all i do is to wish you well my love
but i still want you to know

i really don't need it

2010-08-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

sitting here, reflecting on the day passed, i realized that i can shut the world out quite easily. i realized that many times i really don't need anyone around me at all. i'm happy with just myself, i can stay home the whole day, i can not talk anyone for as long as possible and i think that qualifies me for a place out in the woods or forest somewhere out there. i really don't need anyone. seriously, i will do just that. one day, i'll forget everyone and everything. one day, i will just disappear. i just need my time with Him. the only One that speaks truth to me. as i grow older, i realized that i hate being lied to. i really hate it now. i used to think that i rather hear something that makes me feel better than truth that will cut me deep but now, i rather hear the truth and even if they hurt, i don't care. i just don't want to be taken for a fool. i hate it.

people have been asking me the question. my reply? i don't need romantic relationships. i don't need it. i'm not rejecting it but at this moment of my life, i just don't see anyone that i want to spend the rest of my life with. my dream? i want to travel the world. i want to go around the world and spent the rest of my life going to places that no one wants to go to and show the people there the love of God.

break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen

value.

2010-08-04T11:48:00.001+08:00

i deleted it because i value the relationship above anything else.

we'd come to an end.

2010-07-28T22:44:00.002+08:00

i guess this is the end of the book. no more chapters ahead. this is the final word. the end it says. i think you're in a better place now. no more drama, no more sleepless nights, no more pains and hurts, no more crying at night, no more thinking if tomorrow's reaction will be different. it's a good place to be in. don't turn back again. don't come back to this hell ever again. stay where you are and enjoy your life. (: goodbye my friend. (:

Leona Lewis - Better In Time (Boyce Avenue acoustic cover) on iTunes

2010-06-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

Boyce Avenue - Every Breath

2010-06-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.

2010-06-26T22:16:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry for saying all those things.
i'm sorry for putting you through this whole emotional ride which ends up no where.
i'm sorry for thinking that my intentions were for your benefits but end up hurting you even more.
i'm sorry for going back on my words.
i'm sorry for not standing my ground when i need to and causing you to be confused.
i'm sorry for trying to push you away.
i'm sorry for not using my word wisely.
i'm sorry for not thinking before i speak.
i'm sorry for not keeping my boundaries.
i'm sorry for not hearing you.
i'm sorry for not giving you a chance to say what you wanted.
i'm sorry for being ridiculous.
i'm sorry for being childish.
i'm sorry for hurting your feelings.
i'm sorry for constantly trying to provoke you.
i'm sorry for everything that i have done.

i'm really sorry...................

let your heart decide.

2010-06-26T21:25:00.001+08:00

I understand that you’ve met someone
With a perfect heart
But you’ve been questioned by everyone;
Are you in the dark?
Can you choose to fall,
Should you risk it all?

How’m I gonna stop it if you wanna give it all to love
When I’m on your side
And I understand you’re the only one to know
Whether wrong or right
Let your heart decide (you’re the only one)

Some may tell you don’t take the risk
It’s a waste of time
But if you think you’ll find happiness
Baby take the dive

It’s unusual
But it’s critical

How’m I gonna stop it if you wanna give it all to love
When I’m on your side
And I understand you’re the only one to know
Whether wrong or right
Let your heart decide (you’re the only one)

Give it up
How’m I gonna stop it if you wanna give it all to love
When I’m on your side
And I understand you’re the only one to know
Whether wrong or right
Let your heart decide (you’re the only one)

i'd got a disney fetish now.

2010-06-26T21:17:00.002+08:00

Disney night anyone?

i did it.

2010-06-26T00:48:00.002+08:00

i managed to do it today. it's finally over. no longer will it come back to haunt me. i don't know whether this is the right thing to do but i'm praying hard that it is. Even if it isn't, i'd already done and i must not regret it. short pain rather than to drag on and get hurt even more. cut it clean and thorough once and for all.

oh, j is attached. haha. finally and it's quite a good timing. :) got rid of both at the same time.

it hurts but i'll live.

he came down. he did.

2010-06-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

storms may come but i'll still hold on.

2010-06-25T11:06:00.002+08:00

sometimes, loving someone means doing the best thing to make sure the person is happy in the long run. it's no longer about the temporal happiness that comes by saying the right things, making the right gesture, making the right promises or having the right actions. it's about thinking ahead. it's about knowing the pro and cons of the whole thing. it's about knowing that the end product of it is for the benefit of the other person. it's not even about whether the other person is happy but knowing that it will not cause more hurts or pain. it usually requires one party to be the bad person or the enforcer of the pact. it requires the person to say some things that is nasty or out of the box. painful it might be, but looking ahead and knowing that it does good at the end, takes away pains that's temporal. live with it, i said. live with it. everyone will have pains. physical pain, emotional pain... some people deal with pain easily, some take days, months, years, but some, their whole life to deal with it. it might seem like it's unnecessary but we all know that at one point, we need to do it. people often say, when something end, it's a start of another thing. it might be true, it might not be. unless we try it, we will never know. some people might see it as a storm but i'll rather see it as a small little rain that will go away after awhile. you might be drenched but you know the sunshine will come after and soon, you will be dry. so take heart, look forward to the sunshine days.

i'm sorry for doing all these but this is the best thing that can happen to the both of us. i'm staying away, far far away. don't want to mess it up anymore. enough is enough. there's many more out there. take your pick. for me, i'm a fading memory that shouldn't even suppose to be there. goodbye my friend, goodbye.

respond...

2010-06-16T01:54:00.003+08:00

i don't want to go back there again.
i'm tired of it.
can i just say no and keep my distance?
can i just avoid and not face it at all.
i am afraid.
i have fears.
i don't to be hurt again.
i don't want to live that zombie life again.

but i love you no matter what.
but i'm just afraid.
i am sorry.
i'm staying away.

position.

2010-05-30T00:06:00.002+08:00

it's been a real great time of my life the last 3 month. i've been thinking alot about the way we position ourselves actually determines how our lives will turn out. i've been having this revelation that if we choose to think that our lives sucks then it will. i refuse to think that my life suck. i've learnt over the last few months and have arrive at a place where nothing can irritate me anymore. :)

friends will come and go. i lose a friend but why should i think my life sucks now? lose one but i still have many others. why compare? if i want to compare, then compare it with the kids in third world countries that's losing friends to death. then i feel that i'm so much more blessed. :) why give up my joy so easily? i hold on to my joy, i jealously guard it. i defend it with all my life. i'm not giving it away. situations might seem like the whole world is against me but it's that joy that will come and bring light in the dark. don't stress because my God is bigger than my problems. :) i'm not going to talk about it anymore because it's not a problem anymore cause it doesn't matter anymore. i'm finally free. :)

it's a new season for me. i'm learning so much in the last few months that i'm getting a overload now.

i'm looking forward to family camp and jyc/teens combined camp. :) there's gonna be lots of heart pumping worships and heart piercing encounters with God. i'm am so pumped. :)

i've decided to cancel my trip to aussie in july. i felt God saying to go for passion conference in atlanta, usa in jan. i wanna go meet louie giglio. i wish i could do a 2 year internship with him. time to plan my us route now. :)

just the last month - 5 new songs. :) more please.

I'd found my peace.

2010-04-28T14:31:00.001+08:00

I been thinking alot and i'm glad that I had monday to just sit down at starbucks and reflect on the last season. I thank God for giving me a season like that to not just break me but also to make me stronger and better. I will never go into that black hole ever again. i feel a new big season coming ahead. I need to write more, I need to lead more and I need to dwell in His presence more.

I have lost many friends throughout the years and probably have lost many which I was suppose to gain. I didn't have school friends cause all my time was spent in church, same as army. I don't count it as a loss, I don't see myself sacrificing a big part of my life. I don't see it as a sacrifice. it's not a sacrifice. I see it as a gain. I see it as my portion, inheiritance and my whole life. I'd probably lose more in the years to come but I know this life I'm living is so much more fulfilling than having lots of friends. it's a journey that I have to take, it's a journey that I'd grown to embrace. I don't know how long I'm going to live for but I want to use all of my remaining days for His sole purpose.

I felt that I'd found my life verse.

Psalm 27:4-6 - One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble, he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.

I felt that this verses accurately depicts my life up till this point. i love to dwell in His presence. Being in His presence makes me forget about the pains, hurts and struggles in my life. That's my secret place, that's my resting place.

I'd finally found my peace. i'm no longer affected by it. I'd come to love my own peace more than anything. dwelling in His presence is so much more important than anything else. i am no superman and I cannot save anyone. j, I didn't save you, it was Him who saved you. I can't save anyone, I can only love. I can only be around but He has to be the one to save every single one of them.

to you (if you even read this)
i don't hold any grudges against you or hold anything that's negative towards you. i'm done with this season and I hope you're done too. I always believe and I know it's a long journey. I can't be there for you anymore and I can't always look out for you. I don't want to take responsibility or your life. it's your life and only you can take responsibility for your life. you are right that I can't save you. I can't. just live your own life from now on and make your own decisions. don't have to be affected by me (if you're not then that's good.), I shouldn't be affecting you at all. so move along and do your stuff and In His time, you will see the light. remember, nobody is against you. no one is, only yourself.

Oh, and I'm going back to school again.

I'm okay. :) total strangers.

2010-04-24T20:53:00.001+08:00

i'm finally done with this whole thing. no longer do I have to worry and think about it anymore. I don't have to give anymore.

you don't have to worry. i won't cross your path anymore or try to avoid you because i won't even know you. it's time we go our separate ways. I hope you grow up well even if you don't, I'd done my best. we are strangers from now on. nothing will concern me anymore.

it's been a long time. long overdue.

goodbye my "friend".

L.O.V.E?

2010-04-24T10:11:00.001+08:00

love is when you miss her even before she leaves, when you could listen to her talk all night and never get tired of hearing her voice. when the sound of her name sends chills down your spine, and you see her smile the second you close your eyes.

sunshine after the rain...

2010-04-22T17:26:00.004+08:00

as i sat outside the balcony writing this post, the weather is unsympathetic and rain is beginning to pour with no mercy with lightning flashing across me. i felt coldness, fear and uncertainty. i sat here with a sense of "have i messed up?" feeling within me. maybe the weather is an indication of the feelings that i have within me now. i had to sit at the balcony to do this cause tears just kept flowing and flowing and flowing as i reflect through her words. i didn't understand how this whole thing could go bonkers just like this. her words were piercing and every word stab into me like a sharpened knife ready to split me apart. have i really failed in this? have i done the wrong thing? have i been too protective? everything was going fine till that moment. i thought something good could come out of the conversation but then it backfired. it crushed down on me like a thousand knifes thrown towards me. it felt de javu. it felt like it has happened before. it felt like history repeating itself. i wish i could go off now. i wish i could go study and not face this. i wish i didn't have to care at all.

i felt this for such a long time but i never got it down in words.

maybe my actions and my words didn't tally. maybe the way i show concern was wrong. maybe my reactions was wrong. maybe what i thought was good for her was actually wrong and the intention of it just died a terrible death. maybe in the beginning, all that i have been doing are actually wrong. who can tell me? my mind tells me this but my heart kept pushing me to the other side. my hearts keeps telling me to suck it up and hold on tight. keep loving says my heart. keep believing says my heart. keep pouring love out says my heart. every time when i want to give up and i go to God and ask Him to take it away, the only words that came was, "you really want Me to take it away?" i couldn't answer that question but i knew the answer.

i don't know why she would want to compare herself to j. it's not suppose to be this way. j, please don't compare yourself to her too. both of you are dear to me and both of you have a special place in my heart. i love the both of you. i care for the both of you and i don't know how to show you more. i know i can't save you and there's nothing much that i can do for you anymore. all i do now is keep an eye and that's it.

i needed to write. i needed to get this down on words. i need to start writing again. everything within my head need a refuge place and it needed to go somewhere. it needs to have a home. too much words have been infused into it and now it's having a adverse reaction to it. my mind is screaming like a mad man and wanting to get out. i feel sick. i feel like it's happening again. it seems like it's coming back again.

save my mind and keep it sane please.

sound of waves

2010-02-02T23:40:00.001+08:00

ever heard the sound of waves when you're down? seems like it's constantly talking to you and everything it's saying is "it's okay". that's why I love coming to the coast. it never fails to give me peace and a good quietness that's always assuring. (:

I'd been thinking alot. alot alot. I just don't know how long I can hold on for. I can't bear to see her like that. it's killing me. tell me what to do. please please.

the real thing

2010-02-01T23:36:00.003+08:00

it happened today when i was out with her.

suddenly it just came.

without warnings and signs like the past.

i couldn't remember much.

just that she was with me.

it hurts so much.

till i had to stop and ask her to go ahead.

this is going to be my life.

this is how it's going to look like.

true friend.

2010-01-30T16:19:00.001+08:00

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

henri nouwen

i gotta let you go.

2010-01-30T06:44:00.003+08:00

i can't be selfish here.

i gotta let you go.

i can't bear to let you see me like this.

it's going to be frequent.

it's going to be forever.

i wish i could spent my whole life with you.

i wish that i could give you everything i have.

but i also know that your heart belongs to someone else.

i don't know what to say.

i don' know how to react.

should i just ignore this and treat it as though i didn't hear that?

i love you and i want you.

but i probably can't.

this is no going to be like any fairy tales.

there won't be a live happily ever after for us.

all it's going to have are heartaches and pains.

the beauty will end up with the prince charming.

sleeping beauty will have someone to wake her up from the sleep.

but it's not me.

don't love me because you pity me.

don't love me because i need it.

LOVE ME BECAUSE YOU MEANT IT.

the sound of the waves.

2010-01-25T21:14:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish i stayed near the sea.

i wish i could wake up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore.

that probably tells me that i'm still alive.

i wonder sometimes whether i should love.

whether if it's going to last?

whether i'm being selfish?

one day, all these will just be memories.

memories that means nothing

because i will not remember a single bit of it.

i will go.

2010-01-23T12:33:00.002+08:00

So I will go wherever He is calling me
I lose my life to find my life in Him
I give my all to gain the hope that never dies
I bow my heart, take up my cross, and follow Him

What grace is mine, to know His breath alive in me
Beneath His wings my wakened soul may soar
All fear can flee, for deaths dark night is overcome
My Savior lives, and reigns forevermore

true love.

2010-01-23T01:36:00.004+08:00

today i saw a perfect picture of true love.

there she was, in her wheelchair, left leg amputated from knee down.

her man was right beside her.

lunch was fish soup with rice.

how he will lovingly wipe her mouth from the mess she had made while eating.

how he will smile at her and tell her that it's alright.

i saw how her man, without fail, rain or shine, bringing her down for lunch and dinner everyday.

wheeling her daily with walks in the evening down the garden.

i saw how her man cared for her.

how that man made her day just by being there.

there was nothing in it for that man, except love.

that man knew that he had to outlive her.

that man knew that without him, she's not going to survive.

how he probably wakes up every morning with the same mission.

to make sure that she's taken care of, happy and loved.

i wonder about their love story.

i wonder how did that man come to the conclusion of this life.

i salute you.

you have become my role model.

i need to learn from you.

where are you? are you going to be silent?

2010-01-22T10:44:00.002+08:00

why am i holding on to so much? i just want you to be happy that's all. in all my good intentions, i have ruin everything. i figure out that you don't need me anymore. i will embrace that truth. it hurts, really. but i have to live with that. i have to go through that. it has already been a prophecy that came through. it has to be like that.

i will miss you.

i r e a l l y d o n ' t k n o w. . .

2010-01-22T10:21:00.003+08:00

woke up this morning and was really tired. major migraine but i didn't want the painkillers. decided to make a cup of tea as usual. i felt lost. i felt hopeless. i didn't have anything to look forward to. could really feel the weight of it. i don't know how long i can keep this up. standing infront of people and pretending nothing is happening, putting on a smile when i'm not fine. i need to find my footing now. i'm going to battle this.

i didn't want you to know about this at all. call me selfish or anything. i told you it's going to be ugly and it's not going to look pretty. it's really not her fault at all. she was just keeping the secret for me. do what you like, do anything you want. for now, i'm drawing away. i'm staying away.

There is just so much i want to tell you.

what if?

2010-01-20T01:42:00.002+08:00

what if i lose all my memories tomorrow?

what if all i remember was nothing?

what if tomorrow all that's left is my empty shell?

what if all that i'm waiting for is back home?

what if memories was something that i can't hold on to?

what if, what if, what if?

forever now has a different meaning. forever becomes something that is so tangible. forever is so uncertain.

i had a fear today. i suddenly forgot what i was in malacca for. i forgot who i was here with. i didn't know what was happening. all that i remember was my name. this happened for a good 5 mins. Is this the beginning?

i didn't want to tell you this. i didn't want you to know. But today will mark the day where you will hate me for the rest of your life. i don't know what to say to you or whether i can face you ever again. i don't know.

Taking Chances?

2010-01-16T22:43:00.001+08:00

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world

2010-01-16T22:26:00.001+08:00

Unfailing God

Though my eyes may fail me, I will follow after You

Though Your promise seems forsaken

I’ll remember the world’s in Your hands

And You’ll find me singing

You are unfailing God,

Your love’s unending

And Your word is eternal,

Firm in the heavens it stands

Though sorrow’s my condition

And pain holds back no blow

Though this be my darkest hour

Your lamp is leading me home

And You’ll find me singing

Eyes can’t see but I feel You near

I know you’re working through my tears

I trust You Lord, I trust You for

You never walk away

Unfailing God, Unfailing God, Your love is unending,Lord

i broke down.

2010-01-16T22:02:00.004+08:00

i broke down while driving back to church. i didn't know how to react anymore. the only way that came to me was to cry my heart out. i haven't cried like this for a long long long long time. i had to stop on the highway shoulder and cry. that was my only way of letting go. how many more times must i go through? how many! i want to let you go but i can't. i don't know how to. i don't want to. please let it come from you.

Last time.

2010-01-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

I'm sitting here thinking what to write

knowing that this will be my last

My mind tells me go but my heart defers

I just want you to know

If this was the last time i see you

i want my heart to stop

if this was the last time i hear you

i want my mind to loss all it's memories

there's just no one i wanna be with

only you

I know i can only love you from far

there is nothing more i can do

all i do is to wish you well my love

but i still want you to know

thinking of you.

2010-01-16T19:51:00.002+08:00

i don't know why? why do i have to be so stubborn? why why why?

haven't been able to sleep for the last few weeks. just couldn't sleep much. the last 2 weeks was just bad. the moment i close my eyes, you come to mind. why can't i just get you out? why? i really don't know. it's slowly killing me. it's slowly tearing me apart. i just can't do it anymore. it's hurting. really painful. pain to the max. seems like the heart wants to jump out of its place and just hide near you and be close to you.

It's killing me.

farewell...

2010-01-16T11:30:00.001+08:00

i will always love you and be there for you.

you will always be a big part of my life.

but for now, it's me getting out of your life.

2010-01-15T14:14:00.000+08:00

A degenerative nerve disease is one that affects the nerves in such a way that it damages them to the point that affects the way people think. Depending on the disease, it can even affect a person’s motor skills. Essentially, degenerative nerve diseases affect the brain. Degenerative brain disorder occurs from mid to late adulthood. The results from suffering from this disease usually are in progressive (and irreversible) declines in memory and a steady regression of other abilities, mostly cognitive.

i know...

2010-01-09T22:34:00.003+08:00

i know you don't want to talk to me anymore.

just a few casual smses and to look like it's still okay.

but i know what you mean. :)

i'm not hurt just that it's over so fast.

i guess i won't look back and regret cause i know i gave my all.

grow up well...

2010-01-06T23:33:00.012+08:00

it has to come to this stage.
it has to be this way.
it has to end this way.
i'm sorry. i need to guard us from more heartaches.
i'm going to change.
all i ever do now is upset you
i'll don't bring a smile to your face anymore
i just a pest to you, leeching on
i no longer am the one to give you advice
i no longer mean anything good to you
all i give to you is heartache
all i am to you is misery
all i do best now is piss you off
the only reaction that i get.
you were right when you said that it's better without me.
i can only love you from far far away.
you can only grow this way.
i don't want to constantly be in your way.
i don't want you to have mood swings when you see me.
i'll always be here for you.
i'll always be here when you need me.
any other time, just let me be invisible.
don't be mistaken, i'm not angry with you.
i will never be angry with you anymore.
i cannot be angry with you anymore.
i don't look forward to getting things from you anymore.
no more birthday or christmas present or card.
i don't want to carry memories that doesn't matter.
all i hold on to is at least i have love you with all that i am and have and i still do.
it's good enough to know you love me as a older bro like the rest of them in your life.
i have no more regrets.
i tried my best.
i know where i stand and how much i meant. Nothing.
i appreciate how you try to make me a part of your life
but as hard as you try, you know that you don't want me in your life
i do see the difference, i really do.
as much as you try, i probably can't fit into your life.
you don't have to be nice to me just because you're his daughter.
maybe what she said was right.
i'm a fuck up devil.
i'm probably not who you think i am.
i will still be who i am with you but it will never be the same again
i am going to fade out in your life.
you won't even feel that i'm not around anymore.

because it doesn't even matter to you at all.

make me a passer-by.

don't even say hi to me please.

don't have to avoid me.

i will stay clear of you.

:) grow up well.

time travel.

2010-01-06T23:05:00.001+08:00

i want to time travel.

i want to see how i will die.

anyone can help me?

Death, You're defeated...

2009-12-23T13:02:00.002+08:00

Death is not scary

when you know you have no regrets.

Death is scary

when there is some much that you are unable to let go,

when there is so much that is left unsettled.

Death is not scary

when you know what lies after it.

Death is not scary

when your hopes are placed in the eternal dwelling with the One that came

to set us free from the wages of sins.

Death is not scary.

Don't let it intimidate you because he's a defeated foe of the One that we place our hopes in.

He will come to save us.

Yes He will.

Trust in it.

Live it.

2009-12-23T12:27:00.000+08:00

It's hurting now. i need to take my medicine.

episode 2...

2009-12-23T11:00:00.001+08:00

i need to stop walking that fast. the heart just hurt when the movement is too fast.

It's starting...

2009-12-23T05:44:00.001+08:00

i can feel the pain intensifying. It's getting worse as the days go by.

In The Mystery

2009-12-05T13:00:00.001+08:00

In Your Name
There is hope when all seems lost
There is freedom in the power of the cross
Let the world see

In Your Name
There is truth where logic fails
Understanding that makes sense of our days
You Are Worthy

Hear the song of all creation roar
We’re crying out as One
To You our God
Now show us the way of Your love
And we will come running

All for Jesus’ name
Your love displayed
We are alive in the mystery
All for sinners’ gain
Your life You gave
We’ll sing Your praise for eternity

In Your Name
There is mercy without end
Overtaking us now time and again
Let the world see

In Your Name
There is love that never fails
And the promise that Your word will prevail

Hear the song of all creation roar
We’re crying out as One
To You our God
Now show us the way of Your love
And we will come running

All for Jesus’ name
Your love displayed
We are alive in the mystery
All for sinners’ gain
Your life You gave
We’ll sing Your praise for eternity

Hear us sing

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Great is Your Name
Great is Your Name

You won't relent...

2009-11-30T13:24:00.002+08:00

You won’t relent until You have it all

My heart is Yours

I’ll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

A total knockdown from Him. I'm asking myself where am i placing myself? Am i standing knee high in His love or and am i totally soaked in His ocean of love? I love His presence and i jealously want His love. If there's anything that takes the place of this, i want to cut it off. I don't want anything else apart from this place of total abundance to Him and His love. I jealously guard this secret place of mine. No one and nothing is going to be able to ply open this door for i am guarding and i am willing to give my life to guard it. Stay away! Stay away from me! Kill me if you want but i am not going to give up! God, take me home now if You can. death will not scare me, death will have no hold, death will not be a threat to me. death>>> you are defeated!!!!!

Sorry...

2009-10-28T13:27:00.001+08:00

sorry that i dont pick up your calls sometimes
sorry that i sometimes dont reply your messages
sorry that sometimes im so troublesome
sorry that i'm not that good looking.. unlike others where your friends cant stop staring at her
sorry for all the disappointments
sorry that i might not be good enough
sorry that im nothing special
sorry that i give so little and take so much
sorry that i make you angry sometimes
sorry that i get angry sometimes
sorry for being who i am
sorry for the useless shit i've grown up to be
sorry for everytime i'm jealous
sorry that i just can't help it sometimes
sorry that it just so happens that every kind of shit happens to me
sorry that i feel so terrible all the time
sorry that i cry for friends who arent worth it
sorry that for me you sacrifice so much
sorry that i sometimes may not seem like i appreciate it
just sorry for everything that i cannot do
sorry for everything that i never will do
sorry for everything i will never live up to
sorry that i'll never be the best
no matter how hard i try.

Reply:

i love you even when u dont pick up my calls sometimes
i love you even though sometimes you dont reply my messages
i love you even if sometimes you are troublesome though you are not.
i love you because youre so good looking that you outshine anyone any day
i love you through all the disappointments
i love you because youre always good enough
i love you because you are very very special
i love you because you allow me to give you so much and u still give me some back in return
i love you even though i get angry sometimes for no reason
i love you no matter how angry you get
i love you for who you are
i love you so much, u dont ever need to be jealous
i love you even if you cant help it sometimes
im always here for you no matter what happens to you
i love you very much and ill always be here for you
i love you because you care so much about your friends
i love you and i would continue to sacrifice my life
i love you even if you dont appreciate it
i love you for everything you cant do
i love you for everything u never will do
i love you for anything you dont live up to
i love you because you ARE the best
u dont even need to try

pain in the night but joy comes in the morning...

2009-06-17T01:11:00.003+08:00

am i getting numb to all these pains?
pains that causes scars that stays forever...
closing the door to more pains...
probably i can live with it...
don't need to make any more effort to revive it...
forget about it...
back to normal mode...

pain in the night but joy comes in the morning...

Your Love Never Fails
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes, but
You have new mercy for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that you love me
And your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but
I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause your love never fails
The chasm was far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But your love never fails

You make all things, work together for my good

not again...

2009-06-12T01:01:00.004+08:00

well, as usual, nothing comes out good...

another failed conversation...
another misunderstanding...
another miscommunication...
another failed attempt to be nice...
it seems like a magnet except that it's repelling away...
you care, you don't care, doesn't matter...
the door is closed...
not letting anything in...

finding my secret place and dwelling in it...
God, i need to meet with You...
one on one...
just You and me...
i need to download from You for the camp...
speak to me...

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon form against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

He wipes my tears away...

2009-06-11T02:38:00.005+08:00

it's still painful...
it seem like it's not going to go away any time soon...
i don't want to dwell in this...
move on says my mind but my heart says no...
why did it become like this?
why? why? why?
i didn't ask for any of these...
definitely i didn't sign up for this...
no one is responsible for this...
it's me...
my own asking for a beating...
i don't know how to recover from this...
i feel tired...
i can't do this anymore...
it's taking a toil on me...

only thing i can do now is to dwell in His joy...
His joy will be my strength...
i want to live in freedom...
pain pain pain but i will overcome...
i will fight till the end...
i will not let my heart be so easily hurt again...
whatever have been said have already been said...
no turning back anymore...
it's walking on the tight rope now...
an overcomer i shall live...
a child of God

God, be real now...

get away from me...

2009-06-09T20:45:00.004+08:00

the constant urge of going back to it but the resistance within me is stronger than ever.
i am not going to bow down this time. it is over. i will never talk about it anymore.
too painful. too deep this time round.
never to allow something like this to happen anymore.
no more. no even a slight chance of it happening again because it is out of bound to anyone.
no one is ever going to gain access to it ever again.
i need no sympathy from anyone.
no one.
yes, it doesn't matter anymore.

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

the greatest thing in knowing You...

2009-06-08T23:13:00.003+08:00

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.

all things can fail you.
man-made promises that seem too vulnerable to hold on to.
promises that sound like sweet honey that only proved to be venom in disguise.
promises that cause you to become vulnerable only to be invaded by pain and hurts.
no longer do i stand on those promises.
no longer do i operate solely on those promises.
the only promise i hold on to now is my identity in Him.
nothing i hold on to except the promises of God and the call that He put in my life.
i will live to fight another day.
i will live to love You, to bring You praise, a child in awe of You.
no one is going to take this away from me.
no words is going to bring me down.
no emotions is going to make me fall.
the only thing that i look forward to now is seeing You glorified.
the only thing i live for.
You put me in this place and i will look to You to accomplish it.
only You can make the change.
only You can cause it to rise above.
no words can break me.
no words can make me feel small
because i know You are in me and with me.

i will follow Your heart.
i will become a child again...

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

2009-06-07T21:56:00.003+08:00

tears flow down my cheeks as i reflect back on the last few months while driving home.

too many broken relationships, too much pain, too much mistrust, too much uncertainty, too much miscommunication, too much under-currents, too many unmet expectations, too much pressure...

i can slowly feel it swallowing up my heart. i need to fight this, i need to overcome it! i am not going to let this take my heart away... NO! i will fight! i will fight with everything within me... all my strength, all my mind... everything! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

I will keep declaring this song...

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

[Chorus:]
You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me

All the way my Savior leads me

a place of silence...

2009-05-27T01:54:00.003+08:00

Once again, the revival of a blog that has gone through many many discontinuation...

i'm learning much more about who i am and how i react to different things, what are my weakness and what cause me to lose sight of who i am and what i am doing...

many many things are happening now... i have no idea why but i guess this is the season of trusting Him and putting all that i have on the line and giving Him the total control over my life... i can't fathom the happenings in my life and all i want to do is rest rest rest...

I will follow You and give You my heart, soul, mind and strength... EVERYTHING...

Pursuit

2008-11-04T21:36:00.006+08:00

And now the day, where Americans will cast their votes to choose their next leader that will try to bring them across another milestone. i hope they will choose correctly.

It has been a good week. I'd got my new iphone! Made a deal with chaoky. He buy me iphone, i buy him nokia E66 as christmas present... hahaha... good deal...

Anyway, i shared during teen cell on friday on the pursuit of God in our lives. Many times, we pursuit but often on the wrong things. Jesus said in the beatitudes, "Blessed are those who thirst and hunger, for they will be satisfied" Very often, we focus on the thirst and hunger but what is more important here is satisfaction. When we thirst and hunger for the right things, then we will be satisfied. If we are not satisfied when we are thirsty and hungry, then we are on the wrong things. When we pursuit God and the things of God, He satisfy us in His promises.

When we pursuit Him, five different things happens.
1. We are more focus on a specific purpose
2. Pursuit cause us to be diligent
3. Pursuit energizes us with vision and desire
4. Pursuit stir your creative juices and abilities
5. Pursuit makes our live purpose-driven

How we pursuit determine our lives. This means that how our lives are depends on our pursuit. When we pursuit the things of the world, our lives then to be dull, stressful and often land in the bad day mode. But when our pursuit is on the things of God and on Him, then often it's being put in the blessing column. God always bless the people who pursuit Him with everything. When we put our whole life on pursuiting Him, He will make our paths straight and our hearts right. That's not a just a phrase, that is a blessing. God is in the business of blessing people. He's always waiting for us to discover our gifts and talents that He had put in us and when we discover it, He cause it to prosper and uses it for His glory.

Like the old saying... we'll only get God if we want Him.

God, make me all about You. make my pursuit of life be You and You alone...

Another day...

2008-10-22T01:01:00.004+08:00

finally got my new skin to work! haha... time for a new change of appearance. oh well...

just wanna post a short one here and upload some photos...

i can feel the long year-end schedules coming right at me now... it feels relax now but it's usually the calm before the storm. so i hope that i will go through this year-end with much to share! stay tune and adious!

Carried To The Table

2008-10-20T23:41:00.003+08:00

Carried To The Table

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

i'm ready to go where You want me to.
i will follow You all the way...

Another one has fallen...

2008-08-21T21:56:00.000+08:00

Heard the news this afternoon when melvin sent me the link to the report. Mike G of Planet Shakers Church, the one who wrote "Healer" on the new Hillsong Album, was actually faking his illness all these while. He is absolutely fine and healthy.

This got me wondering what is happening to the Church. Why has the Church gone to such state? Somehow, God led me to spend the last two days google-ing ministers that have fallen to sin. Many of them fall into the temptation of the world. Money, Sexual Sin and Power, the very thing that Jesus warns us about. Think about this, all these men are thought to be the ones that is passionate about His kingdom and the Word but one by one they have fallen to the sins of this world.

I realized that this can happen to any one of us. Even the so-called "anointed ones" have fallen, so what make us less vulnerable? The very fact that we constantly need the saving grace of God is evidence that none of us are able to say with confidence that we not fall into sin for the rest of our lives till the time we meet our Creator. We need to be accountable to people, brothers and sisters in Christ, that will help us stay in the destiny of God and in a strong relationship with God. Everyone of us need that. That's the only way we can stay in the right path. When we enter into this kind of accountability relationship, we are entering into a lifetime relationship that allows both parties to speak into each other's life and to instill discipline when needed.

New season... New mandates...

2008-08-07T00:51:00.004+08:00

Throughout the conference, the unifying theme of social justice was evidence that God is not only working and speaking to the Churches of Singapore but He is speaking to His universal Church as a whole, the Church of Jesus Christ. It's amazing to see different speakers from different parts of the world coming together and sharing the same heart despite being thousand of miles apart in their daily lives. It was helped by the fact that whatever that the 40 days of fast booklet was emphasizing on that week.

When i first heard God say go for Hillsong Conference at the beginning of the year, i was excited as i thought God was finally sharing His heart with me about worship. I continued to seek God throughout the months and as it draws closer to the conference, God was moving in a different way and during our Family Camp in Melaka, God started speaking to me about His heart and my serving. God was again stirring my heart for ministry. I followed and continued to seek Him through the busy month of June. In the week that i was preparing to leave, i was asking God what He wants me to learn in Hillsong Conference as i have a feeling that He's not going to bring me all the way to Australia (considering all the finances needed just to make the trip) just to teach me about worship. All i got was this, "Go and keep quiet... Hear My heart..." So in my heart i was thinking, "oh, He ready to share His heart of worship with me" I left Singapore Airport with that understanding.

I arrived in Sydney on Monday afternoon, after a short transit in the Perth Airport, with much excitement. (reason being that this is my first trip to Australia!) I met up with my conference team and before long, we were in the Acer Arena for the opening session. It was in the second opening session that night that God started speaking. Judah Smith was the speaker of the second session and He brought the message of embracing the identity of a son of God with the passage from Luke 15 on the Prodigal Son. The punch line that night "son not by worth but son by birth". I had to leave that place with tears in my eyes embracing a new identity and a new understanding of who i am in the Family of God.

Over the next few days, God continued to share His heart for His church and His people but more importantly, He was preparing me for the season ahead. God used 5 different sessions to form the basis of the next season for me. Joel Houston, Paul DeJong, Joyce Meyer, Marcos Witts and Judah Smith were the speakers.

Joel Houston - Basis of worship leading and social justice
Paul DeJong - The prophetic voice
Joyce Meyer - Transition from serving to leading
Marcos Witt - Being strong in my weaknesses and serving through my weaknesses
Judah Smith - Being His instrument

Despite Hillsong Church being known for their worship, i must say that the amount of worship that i learnt compared to the heartbeat of God is miles away. 10% worship and 90% His heartbeat sums it all up for the learning process. Nonetheless, the worship in that place was fantastic, majestic and professional yet God-led. Imagine seeing the Hillsong Team, Israel Hougton and Leeland on the same platform, the atmosphere was amazing.

Although hearing people sharing that how much of the worship in that is due to hype but being there to experience it, it was not hype but an expressed expressiveness of the excitement towards God in people's heart. I believe this is what God is calling His Church to be, to live out in physical the excitement towards Him in our worship time and our lives.

After the conference, i had 2 days to roam around Sydney before heading down to Melbourne on a overnight train ride. I thank God for giving me a opportunity not just attend Hillsong Conference but also to have a break in Australia. I had an enjoyable time in Melbourne and was able to visit Vicky in Tasmania. (I have uploaded all my photos into my facebook account, please feel free to go and take a look at the things that i did in Australia.)

An episode with God.

While i was in conference, i started having pain and later swelling in the right side of my mouth. I couldn't eat for 4 days as i wasn't able to open my mouth to put the food in and water was all i could muster. I started complaining to God and then He spoke to me. The pain that i felt was the same pain that the poor felt. Many times when the poor walk around the streets and seeing people with food on their table but none on their own, that was what they felt. It was the same pain that the Father felt when He sees His children having food on the table while the poor have nothing. Straight away, i knew i had to stop complaining and started to dialogue with Him. I said to Him, "Papa, so what should we do?" He said, "Feed the poor". There and there i know God is turning my eyes to the poor and the needy. Later that night, He gave me a test immediately.

I was walking back to hostel after conference and i saw this backpacker sitting at the junction of the road with a sign, "Need help for a room and a hot coffee" In my natural mode, i would normally walk away and not think about it, but as i walk and walk and walk, the Holy Spirit just kept saying, "Hello! Hello! Poor and needy" I knew i couldn't ignore it, i walk back to the junction and gave the fellow money enough for 2 nights and meals. This is just how God teaches me. Giving me a opportunity to put into actions what i learnt. Faith with works and works without faith accumulate to nothing.

James 2:20 - 24
20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

Fragile-ness of life...

2008-05-23T02:38:00.002+08:00

Saw this while surfing around and once again, the fragile-ness of life. Please pray for this family and pray that Steven Curtis Chapman will continue to write songs for Him.

Christians! Time to rise up!

2007-10-24T16:06:00.000+08:00

I was walking along the row of shop houses after having lunch and came across a newspaper stand selling a copy of today's Newpaper and there in the headlines are reactions of the public towards both of the NMPs one whom which is anti-377A and the other pro-377A. Read the report on it and realised that Prof Thio is actually the one who went to Israel on the same trip with Ian. Hearing the kind of abuse that have been hurled at her makes me understand what Jesus was talking about when He told His disciples that they have to lay down their rights and lives in order to follow Him.

This is the time where Christians are called upon to stand up for truth, making sure that our views are being heard and that the world knows what our values are and where we stand. I believe this is not just an echo of what Jesus have taught us, as Christians, but reading reports, the Muslims are also championing the keep377A cause. This is the moral side of the human being that is called upon now. Even from this issue, we see the strong family values which Singapore is founded upon, the foundational truths on which Singaporeans lived by, the code of moral conducts which Singaporeans stand by.

While writing this post, i started reading Prof Thio's speech in parliament and i see so much truth from a christian who is making a impact in the secular world. A christian who's voice is being heard in the government right now. One that stand close to her foundation and making history in the way that she knows and called to. We need more of Prof Thio in this world. Christians need to rise up in their arenas and make their voices heard. Christians need to rule in their arenas and roar as a lion, taking charge of it.

Good job Prof Thio! You are roaring as a lion in your arena!

Let's stand as intercessors for this nation. Pray for more christians in their arenas to start roaring and taking charge of their arenas. Pray for Christians youths to understand the importance of this and to begin living their lives for this purpose. Young people need to know why they are studying and what they are studying. Not just for a good job or a better life next time but the fact that they can be used as a vessel in their arenas by God.

I believe that God is making YC to be a ministry like this. Raise up young people who would rule in their arenas and be a vessel so that God's presence and truth can be brought into that place and rule. So for all those YC-ers who are still studying, this is the biggest reason why you should be studying and let it be your motivation from now on. We want to be people who is equipped so that when the time comes and we are called upon, we can serve! The first batch of YC-ers are already going out to their arenas to serve and this is the first test that God is giving to YC. Let's press on and continue to follow closely with God and see His hands work among us as we bring good news after good news of how YC is impacting the nation and nations.

Out of my second retirement...

2007-10-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm back again... Out of my second retirement from the blogging world. I'd heard many chants from faraway land demanding for my return and thus i have decided to come out of my retirement and join in the blogging fun again...

An update on my life...

I'm back to work in church again. My last post was a tribute to dear Aunty May, who have made such a big difference in my life and many times, changing the bad habits that reside in me. I started work in March in church to help tide over the sudden shortage of manpower in the admin department but that started the whole journey to where i am today. Today i am a staff in church, doing the things that i like and having my dream career.

Many people have come up to me and ask me why do i want to work in church? I believe the desire comes from a gratitude to PAPA God for molding me into the person i am today. Without Him, i would have been like many of my childhood friends (i grew up in Chinatown), being a pest to the society, adding to the numbers reflected in the statistics of youth criminals in singapore, potentially being the next victim of socially unsounded upbringing and another number in the statistics of underage parents. I wonder if this is enough reasons for me to give all my life to Him or not? Call this my testimony or what? Up to you...

So what do i do in church?

Well, i sleep, play playstation and guitar... haha, just joking! We are still in the midst of defining my job scope but i would mainly be in charge of the technical stuff in church as well as the video ministry. Lots of maintenance and videoing! That's my kind of work... I guess sharpening my guitar-playing skills also fall into this... ahaha!

I am happy and honored to be able to serve alongside my family at kum yan.

So, what have God been teaching me?

God is such a big part of my life. Many times, decisions and plan depends on Him and those times when it doesn't, it fails badly and often, painful. God have been faithful in giving me the desires of my heart and He hasn't change since the first day i knew Him. God is bringing into this new season of declaration and stepping up. It's more than just doing or taking more things up but it's an outburst of what's inside and pushing beyond the human emotional barrier and living that life of freedom out. It's an outflow of the understanding of God's greatness and power within one and allowing it to manifest on the outside. This have inevitably changed the way i worship or lead worship. It's calling the "Lion Roar" within me to roar outwards. Go beyond your emotions, take away the hurts and live freely seems to be the constant nudge of the Holy Spirit nowadays.

Do you feel the excitement in worship nowadays? I do! and i want to express it! I am not going to be stagnant in my worship, no more passive worship but more extravagant, power-packed, high praise worship. Lift up the praise! Give Him what He deserve! Worship Him because He is here! Let your hair down and enjoy every moment of giving everything to Him.

Let me share with you my insights on worship...

Worship is a time where we are free to be who we are and not be affected by anyone when we display our affections to Him. It is also a time where we allow our gratitudes and love for God to be displayed on a outward human expression. A time where God become the focus and we become nothing. A time of gathering all that is within ourselves and offering it as a living sacrifice to God. Declaring His character traits and declaring the promises that He gives to us as His children. Celebrating the awesomeness of His presence and adoring His faithfulness in our lives. This is worship. Declaring truths and engaging the Holy Spirit which the Bible teaches. "In Spirit and In Truth"

Try to imagine my definition in a worship? I totally agree with Pastor Sam when he spoke the last time round and told YC about how we should respond on a outward way to worship. The attitudes that we bring to worship. How we respond in worship. The Church need to learn this! If we as His children cannot worship Him in a free way then who can? We need to break out of our stagnant-ness and get ready every time we worship. We need to be on time for worship. We need to prepare ourselves for worship. We need to be excited about worship. We need to be ready for worship. We need to engage in the spiritual realm in worship. We need to be passionate about worshipping our God. We need to worship... Let's worship together...

The end... Quite a lot for my first post after my second retirement. Guess there will be more. I hope to be able to update this blog more and hopefully i can set aside time to do this... That's all for now... Remember, worship...

Another re-entry...

2007-02-15T00:58:00.000+08:00

Once again, i'm back to the world of blogging. Before the riot at parliament house, demanding my return, gets out of hand, i decided that i should ease all tension and get back to business.

It's been a long 2 months of busy-ness and lots of things have happened. From shifting to finishing up my graduation paper, every thing that happen allow me to see how big God is in my life.

Now... for that moment of "truth"

The last post that i had was 9 Dec and it was talking about how God spoke to me about serving. Since then, it has been an roller coaster ride for me. Many things happened and i realized that many times, you want to be that perfect person but somehow something will happen and you won't be perfect anymore. Many times, in serving, you always want to be a perfect leader, perfect in everything, nothing to repent of, nothing to deal with but i realized in the last two months that God is not looking for that kind of leader. The leader that i know God is looking for is someone who is definitely not perfect, broken before Him, always repenting of the things that the Holy Spirit convict of, ready to not look good. In the end, it's not about be a perfect leader, it's about being a broken leader that is willing to lay down everything, including his own life, for God's will. I'm asking God to constantly break me and show me the way to walk. So, don't look to be a perfect leader, look to be a broken one.

Finally my graduation project is over! Time to look for a job and start earning some "yusoff ishak". Still waiting for some replies. oh well, i'm just laying this down in God's hands and allowing Him to bring me to the right place. Well, i believe that even when you're out in the world working, He can still use you to be His light and shine. Even if you're just doing a part-time job, you are entitled to shining for Him. So take hold of the opportunities that God have placed in your hands. Don't waste it.

Since it's valentines' day , i want to take this opportunity to wish everyone who is reading this post a "Happy Valentines' Day!". For all those who is attached, i pray that God had given you a romantic valentines' day outing with your other half, and for those who are not (like myself) don't be sad and always look on the bright side! Imagine having to pay ridiculous price for that bouquet of flowers! you would have rather spend that money on yourself. wahaha!

Alright, i guess this is the end of my "return post". I will try to update as often as possible. Hope you guys enjoy reading this post. Good day and see ya mates!

Back Again...

2006-12-09T02:14:00.000+08:00

It's has been a long 1 month break from blogging. Many things have been happening and my life is just so interesting now.

Recently, i have been on a eating spree with a group of friends from church. We meet every week to spend some time eating and looking for good dessert places. Some of our en devours are like peranakan, botak jones, mummy's food, julian's cooking, BBQ, nepalese and many more to come. From a just meet once a week kind of meeting, now it has become where we meet almost everyday. haha! just so interesting to see how a community can be started just so easily. I realised that human beings always crave for relationship. That's how God have made us to be. We were created to have a relationship with Him and because of that very nature, we also want to have a relationship with everyone we know. (The relationship i'm talking about here is purely a social rather than a romantically one.) So, i believe that God wants us to have relationships with everyone that we know. I guess there is no more excuses of "i just am not that kind of a person." Let's be on this relationship discovering journey and allow God to show us how much He can use our lives if we live for His purpose.

Just like i said in the first part of this entry, lots of things have happened. Some distressing, some happening and some joyful. For the distress part, my favourite aunty sally aka csm was diagnosed with having leukemia. Another case of this over the last 2 years, aunty lydia, kangfei and now aunty sally. I can so clearly hear God shouting, "Live Your Life Right!!!!" i realised that God can also put me in the same situation and take me home just like that but i know i'm not done with my life here yet. The promises and the destiny that He had for my life is not fulfilled yet and i know my time is not up yet. I must live my life right and according to His plan.

Some joyous things for now. I'm at the end of my course! hooray!!!! It has been a long 8 months. I guess time passes real fast while you are studying and suddenly you are faced with your final exams and your graduating project. For my graduating project, i'm going to do a article on the church music of today. Something that is really precious on my heart. Something that i want to do for the rest of my life. "Church Music"

The new ky church building is almost done and we are in the midst of preparing to shift back. I'm beginning to feel all the excitement of God has for ky. New ky people into the new ky building. I just can't wait for the first note to be played in the new sanctuary and the worship that is going to explore from it. A long wait. 1 year and 10 months to be exact. so exciting!

Finally, i'm back in ministry. I'm beginning to be involve in ministry again and more focused on worship this time round. Ready to follow the call God has on my life and ready to pursue it with all i have. I was reading Darlene Zschech's newest book, "The kiss of heaven" and it's giving me so much insight on pursuing the dream that God has for me. One sentences says this, "whatever it is that you truly value, that is where you'll place your time, energy, attention, finances, love and devotion." I'm slowly understanding what this mean. It means that you will give everything to the thing that you are passionate about! It's about God and it's about giving Him everything! It also means that when He calls you to a certain ministry, that where you give everything you have to build that ministry. What big revelation! haha! I am asking God to lead me and allow me to pursue this passion that He have given to me. "Papa God, i'm ready!"

There is just too much photos to upload now. I will try to slowly upload it and hopefully allow you to see the happenings in my life. For now, i need to sleep and get enough rest for a soccer match tomorrow morning at 10am. Hope you enjoyed reading this entry and the same old words, hope it will trigger you into thinking of your passion and your destiny in God. Adious...

Made To Worship...

2006-11-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

Made To Worship
Chris Tomlin

(Verse)
Before the day
Before the light
Before the world revolved around the sun
God on high
Stepped down into time
And wrote the story of His love for everyone

(Pre-Chorus)
He has filled our hearts with wonder
So that we always remember

(Chorus)
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be

(Verse)
All we are
And all we have
Is all a gift from God that we receive
Brought to life
We open up our eyes
To see the majesty and glory of the King

(Pre-Chorus)
He has filled our hearts with wonder
So that we always remember

(Bridge)
Even the rocks cry out
Even the heavens shout
At the sound of His Holy name
So let every voice sing out
Let every knee bow down
He's worthy of all our praise

This is one post that have been on my heart for a long time ever since the first time i listened to this song. Look at the words and see the heart. It's the outpouring of a worshipper. Not the constant urge of being in the limelight or on stage but the neverending push to worship the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

The chorus give us the summary of our life purposes on earth. We were made to worship. That's the reason why God created this earth. Called to love the Creator God and those that He created. We are forgiven and free when we embrace surrender. When we choose to believe, then we will see who we were meant to be. So will you be a worshipper today and forever more? I am created to worship and i will live this life of worship forever.

(Chorus)
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be

Finally, i am back!

2006-11-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back to the place where i belong. The familiar feeling is coming back and i'm enjoying every single bit of it.

It has been a mixed feelings for the last few days. Received news that a pastor in the US was accused of having monetary sexual relationship with a male prostitute and also using of a sex enhancing drug. The church that the pastor served at is actually a church that is well known for their worship and also the connection that they have with Focus On The Family. In my mind, i know it's end times. The enemy is trying to bring everyone that he sees as a threat down and trying to break the unity of the world church body.

Couldn't sleep last night. Was tossing around in bed and felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to pray for Pastor Ted and the church. I'm prayed and finally got to sleep around 4.30am. I can feel the feeling of being a watchman. Prayer is anytime and anywhere. Be sensitive to the spirit.

Had the first jamming after our worship cell and it was a good time. It was tiring but fulfilling. Although we only did one song (many times over and over again!) but i guess we learned lots of things. How to gel as a team, patience and lots of understanding of each other's strength. It was fun! Lord i pray that You will give us more of these kind of times...

This coming saturday is going to be our first worship seminar. I'm looking forward to hearing God and hearing His heartbeat for worship in my life and in Kum Yan. It's going to be a significant time. All the 6 congregations will come together as a worship ministry of Kum Yan, listen to the same message and get the same heart for worship.

Attended my first ministry leaders meeting on saturday after a long break. It was a intimate time. Once again, i'm back and ever so ready to serve again but this time, i'm determined to stay focused. I'm not going to let anything deter me away from God's call on my life. Nothing gonna change it, no one gonna take it away. So much new things, so many new leadings. We are gonna take this world by storm! Watch out! world here we come!

Pictures of my new church! 1 more month to having lifts again!

Ground floor

Night View

Nice shot...

Quote Of The Day
"I'm determine to stay focus. Are you?"

More exciting times...

2006-10-28T01:30:00.000+08:00

It's getting more and more exciting. I can hear papa God saying, "It's time now! Now!" I'm seeing so much of God's call for KY and YC, and the call to this joshua generation on me. I need to be a watchman for this generation and to make sure that God's words is released to this generation.

I'm understanding the whole worship journey that God have allowed me to walk and understand the whole reason behind it.

From the beginning where playing in worship was a showcase of my gift, a venue where i can make myself feel good and look good, now it has become a place where i know i'm serving God, an understanding of what worship is, knowing that everytime i get to stand up on stage to play, it is by the grace of God. It was such a long journey. God have to take 7 years to teach me that but i'm thankful for it because it is such a precious journey. I would not want to trade anything for it. thank You papa God for the time You took to teach me such an important lesson.

There is so much stuff that needs to be done to fulfill my destiny but i know that papa God will give me the strength and anointing to fulfill it. It's not going to be by my own strength or might but everything will come by the strength and guidance of papa God. I am waiting. Still waiting.

Have you ever wonder if God will give anointing to allow you to play an instrument just instantly? I believe He does but also in it comes the responsibility to practice it. Some of us might receive the anointing and some of us might not. (some of us might not even ever play an instrument despite how much we try!) For those who receive the anointing, thank God for it. It's for a purpose that God release that anointing. Pray and ask God to continue to grow you in that instrument and give you even more anointing to play and minister with it. Many of us usually slacken after we get to a certain proficiency level and is contented with it. Now to address those that doesn't receive the anointing to play instantly. What can we do? I present to you the five steps.

Step 1 - ask God for the anointing!
Because in His word, it says "ask and you will receive" so when we ask, we receive. Now this is the difficult part. If we ask and we receive, then what makes us different from those who receive the anointing to play instantly? My explaination is that everyone have a different anointing and God chooses to work in different ways. In some of us, it requires the second step. Here it is.

Step 2 - Practice, Practice and Practice.
This is the only physical way to improve in your instrument apart from asking God for anointing. In the bible times, the tribe of Levi was chosen to be the levites for the temple of God and to minister to the Lord. The levites of the tribe of Levi did not serve in the temple till they were 30 years old. That means, they were trained from young till the time they were 30 before they actually serve in the tabernacle of God. So it is biblical to be trained and to spend time to master your instruments to a level where it is giving God the best that we have. Thank God that we are not living in the old bible times because if that's the case, then lots of us will not be serving! (including me!) Asking God for anointing, in my experience, will speed up the process of you mastering the instrument. It has been proven in my life. I asked God for anointing and within a year, i was able to play in worship proficiently.

Step 3 - Ask people for help.
Many times, we need some help to move on to the next level of playing our instruments. Many times, we try to figure something which we don't understand without knowing that asking for help from someone that is more experience in playing that instrument will speed up the process. Here, we are actually dealing with pride issues. Asking for help doesn't means we are being incompetent. Asking for help means that we are willing to learn more and is teachable. Don't ever stop learning and most importantly, don't ever stop asking for help. There will always be someone better than you in this world.

Step 4 - Be accountable to someone.
Be accountable to someone for the progress of your skills. That person can be anyone but most preferably someone who is in the worship ministry and best if it's someone who is proficient in your instrument, godly and believe in your call. This will allow him or her to gauge where you are in terms of skills and your progress. He or she also serve as a spiritual mentor where spiritual inputs are being given too! Being in the worship ministry need both spiritual and physical (skills) excellency.

Step 5 - Stay close to your call.
This is the most important step. We can lose sight of our call and the reason why we are practicing our instrument. It's sticking close to your call will allow you to go through some of the toughest time when practicing your instrument. The fact is if it's easy to pick up an instrument then everyone one will be doing it but face the fact, it's not easy. So stay close to your call and more importantly, God.

That's the 5 steps that i have learnt over the years and i hope it will benefits you in a way or another. This can be applied to anything that you are doing. Working, studying, anything!

I hope that everyone that reads this will begin to think about their call and if there is anything that the Lord is showing you, share with me and i hope to be able to pray with you.

Quote Of The Day
"Know your call and focus on it."

Exciting times...

2006-10-21T02:01:00.000+08:00

I am living in exciting times. I can feel and sense it in my spirit. So many things are happening. I'm sensing this excitment within my spirit and it's just waiting to burst out!

It was a long week. My last term of my Diploma started on monday. Just can't wait for this to end and bid farewell to secular studying. HaHa! Just can't wait. 4 modules this term plus a graduation project that is going to take alot out of me. Thank God that at least the modules this term are more interesting and more practical hands on stuff. The lecturers are also getting more interesting. You will learn more as i write more about them as the term passes.

Had two worship meetings this week. The first one was on tuesday which was held at my house. Cooked dinner for the committee. Carbonara, Salad, Clam Chowder and Garlic Bread sets the menu. We had fun at dinner. After that, it was down to real business. More work to be done and more things to talk on. Had a long meeting which stretch from 7pm till 11pm. Long meeting with more to be done which warrant another meeting on friday.

We met again on friday and this time round, we manage to do more and actually confirmed some stuff for the YC worship cell which is going to happen on the 29th of Oct. Not really finished with planning but at least we have the skeleton to the meeting. Can't wait for the 29th to have the worship cell.

I am beginning to find myself in familiar grounds again but this time round with more zeal and determination to stay focus and closer to God. It's time to step out again and again words are ringing in my head. Just as i'm typing this mail, i'm hearing God say "the first step to your destiny is to step out." What profound words. Sometimes i just don't understand why God can't speak to us in a full understandable, simple sentence. But it's the beauty of relationship with God, understanding what He says requires faith and it's faith building for us to keep hearing papa God say all these things. It requires faith for us to hear and obey the things without knowing what the next step is. I'm really enjoying this process. Hearing God, follow Him and then see the picture. And the whole cycle goes all over again. I'm enjoying this so much. Follow Him closely and wait on Him. I'm praying about the next step and see where God leads me.

Psalm 91 says "He who dwell in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." This is the promise of God. The moment we dwell in Him, we will be in His will. Nothing can separate us, nothing will draw us away. I used to think that worship fatigue will happen if we constantly play for worship but now i realise that it only happen if it becomes a job rather than serving papa God. Think about those who leads worship every sunday. Don't they feel burn out? Don't they have times that they don't feel like leading? Of course they do but it is that intimacy and closeness with God that gives them the strength to overcome all those emotions. I read a Paul Baloche's article recently and he was talking exactly the same thing. We need that closeness and intimacy with papa God to sustain us through the times of serving and giving of our lives to Him. Serving doesn't become a job, it becomes a lifestyle. It is a lifestyle of serving God that we need and not a ministry calling. Everyone of us is called to live that lifestyle of serving just like how Jesus came to be a Servant King. He served us because He loves us and that's the biblical principle of leadership in the Kingdom of God. The first will be the last and the last will be first. What is your principle of serving? Is it biblical?

Quote Of The Day

Decide today whether you want to serve or be served. I have decided to serve and i'm happily living it out. Choose for yourself.

I stand in awe of His glory...

2006-10-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

I saw the most magnificient worship yesterday night. A worship that links the old hebrew style with the current modern worship. A worship that unite the generations together, a worship that glorifies the Father. It has started. The revolution has started.

It was the Feast of The Tabernacle yesterday. It feels like a celebration because i finished my exams on that same day and there is a actual reason to celebration but more than that, it is a celebration of going into the promised land, the rising up of a new generation that will usher in the presence of Jesus into the land of Singapore. It was a time of loud praises and dance. A worship of many languages marks the day. It's a worship that i will never forget. I saw the kind of worship that is just a small glimpse of heaven but enough to put me in awe. Imagine heaven's worship.

I feel like i'm starting to walk into the life that God have set for me. My destiny and purpose on this earth. WORSHIP. This is my call. So much things and words have been spoken. I am praying for my next step in life. Big decisions and many many implications.

Some things about my songwriting. I am beginning to get directions for it as i stick close to papa God. Sense God wanting to accelerate the process. Was talking to Sharon (coordinator for Feast of the Tabernacle) on wednesday and she somehow didn't know why but felt led to share it with me. She was sharing how God wants a new song from the land which has the flavour of Singapore in it. Just like how God gave Isreal the hebrew style of worship, He wants to give Singapore her own style of worship. The moment she shared that, my heart clicked and i knew straight away that God is speaking to me. I don't take that lightly because it is something that God is saying to me and i know He is giving me directions on how to write. Shortly after that, i spoke to audrey (walking on water's drummer) and she too talk to me about worship in singapore and how singapore is actually proficient enough to match up to the proficiency of overseas worship band. My heart totally agree with her because it is also a cry on my heart to see Singapore bless other nations with worship songs. I know the time is now and God is already raising up a new group of songwriters to write for Him. So rise up songwriters of the joshua generation! It's time to speak with our writings.

In a email sent to the core worship committee of YC, Pastor Lilian wrote this, "We are in the process of building a huge and powerful Joshua Generation Worship Team to usher in the King of Glory!!!" What a powerful statement! Listen up! Joshuas. It's time to rise up! It's time to be proactive. Know your destiny and identity. This is a generation that is raised up to worship and bring His presense in. Be serious about worship. It is our offering.

I have a leading to go with Rev. George to Israel next year for the prayer conference and to be part of the 120 joshuas that he talked about. The moment he shared about that, my heart jumped and i thank God for answering my prayer. I ask God to let me to go to Israel at least once in my life to see to see the children of Israel and immediately He opened a door for me. He is the God who hears and see our desires. There is other visions that i receive in relation to this prayer concert but it's not time yet to share. I am excited. Very excited. It's going to be a exciting time in the year to come.

"God, lead me as i lay my life down at Your altar. This life is Yours and Yours only. Use this life to bring Your glory to earth as it is in heaven. Use it in anyway as You deem fit and use it for Your sole purpose. My heart cries out to You and i'm desperate for Your glory to be shown in my life. Let my life be a sweet sweet offering to You. I dedicate my life to You and i pray that You would use it to advance Your worship on this earth."

I am ready to usher in the presence of Jesus into the nation of Singapore. Are you ready?

The start of a new season...

2006-10-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

It's 1 more day before the end of my term 3 exams. Then it will be the final term before i get my diploma. It is going to end in 3 months time. Thank God for all His grace and mercy to bring me through this whole season of studying.

It is the start of a new season in my life. A start to new things that are happening in my life or rather, new directions.

I finally came to the end of my "ministry break". No ministry for the last 1 year has allowed me to understand more of God and His purpose in my life. Understanding everything that happened in my life that is going to play a part in the destiny that God have given me. The past 1 year have been a time of great struggles but also a time where i stand in awe of God at the end of it.

A breakdown of my journey so far...

1st 7 years of my christian life - God used it to allow me to love Him and to know Him and His character.

Last year - God used it to make me understand the meaning of loving Him. The real essense of what it means to love Him. He took this time to drill in the very essense of love and knowing Him, that is because of who He is. Not because of the ministry that i'm doing or the events that i'm running but it comes down to loving Him because of WHO HE IS and WHAT HIS CHARACTER IS.

Two questions that God asked me during this period was, "Will you still love me if I don't give you ministry anymore in your life and all you do is love Me and know Me?" and "Are you willing to be a fool for Me?"

All i can answer is "yes God, knowing You and loving You is all i need and nothing is more important than that. I am willing to be a fool for You! I don't care what other people say or think, all i know is that when i follow You, You take delight in me."

The coming years - God is leading me into a time where i need to follow Him closely. He wants to speed up the process of me fulfilling His destiny and to do that, i need to follow Him closely. I am feeling a sudden urgency to consecrate myself and to keep my spirit sensitive to Him. I am getting some directions about my next step but cannot reveal them now. I will share more in due time but for now, just pray along side me.

The next phase...

At this moment, i am serving in the worship ministry which is part of the plan that God have shown me for the next phase of my life. This is the ministry which i know that God is calling me to and at this time, i do not know what and when and how i'm going to fulfill the destiny that God have given me but i'm following closely to Him and allowing Him to lead me.

I hope that you are also feeling the excitements that i have in my heart. Initially, i felt that what God has shown me to be too big and large for me but through some conversations, God is assuring me that if i follow Him closely then He will show me how to do it. I know that the time is now and now. It is not next time or have passed but it is now! Now!

This have been a journey that i have been walking since the church camp in june. Everything is falling into place and i'm seeing day by day the little pieces being pieced together to form the bigger picture.

I will share more on my next post which i hope will be on sat after "The Feast Of The Tabernacle" on friday. Hopefully by then, i will receive even more and be able to share with you even more.

Don't worry guys, i am not being spiritual here. I am being myself. This is who i am and what i do. This is me...

Quote Of the Day

Follow God and follow closely. Only then can you excel at what you do.

The Start Of Something New...

2006-09-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

Today was a significant day. I saw the beginning of a revival...

Went to the hospital today after hearing that one of my mum's friend (uncle fat man but he is skinny lor...) was going to be baptized. He is one of those uncles would spend lots of time at my dad's store. For the first time in my life, i saw my mum lay hands and prayed. I am amazed. I ever expect to see it. This is the first convert that my mum actually played a part in. Somehow, many people from my dad's store is starting to go to church and getting saved. I realized that sometimes, it takes a man at his lowest to see the truth but i also believe that God will heal uncle fat man. I know deep down, he has saw the power of Christ and i know that one day, his whole family will be save too. I see the power of salvation flowing through my mum. She is going to bring about a great revival at the store. My family is going to get saved and as for me and my house, we gonna serve the Lord. One day, my father will come to know Jesus. I know it's coming soon. really soon. My dad is going to watch a video on miracle healing given to him by one of the uncles from the store who is now attending His Sanctuary. Pray, pray hard.

The curse of the char siew pau...

Yesterday, with my first bite on a char siew pau, i heard a crack sound and my crown tooth started to hurt. The pain was so unbearable that i almost fainted on the bus. Spent the whole night waking up and taking painkillers. Went to see uncle henry this afternoon and received the bad news. My tooth split into half all the way to my nerve. He had to pull the pain part out and see if he can salvage the other half. Then the second bad news came. I have to take the whole tooth out cause it actually crack all the way till the bone area. thankfully, uncle henry made it painless. i can't believe that a char siew pau actually can do so much damage. I am amazed. No more char siew pau for me.

Finally no more pain for the night. It's just weird that i have to bite on one side cause the food will not be chewed if i bite on the side where my tooth is taken out. oh well... getting old...

In another 3 more days, it will be the start of my exams! once again, i will go into exile and you might or might not see any updates on this blog. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Quote Of The Day

"When you bite into a char siew pau, bite with care..."

Back Again!

2006-09-25T00:23:00.000+08:00

finally back after a long absence!

Looking at my last post dated 14 September which is 10 days ago and i realised how long it is since i last blogged. I decided to start blogging again to share more of my life with everyone.

For the last 10 days, many things have happened and many lives have been changed, including mine.

It was a long last week of school as presentations and essays were a big part of my life. Rushing for presentations and deadlines for essay took the most out of me and at the end of everything, i was dead tired. thank papa God, it is all over now. The next busy time will be exams which will be in 1 week's time. While in the midst of all these, i realised how much i need papa God in my life. His grace and mercies. His mercies are new every morning is the only thing that brought me through the last week.

This week, there was another period of grieve. On tuesday morning, i received news that mervyn's dad passed away suddenly. Received the news in the morning and we were there in the evening to offer our support and condolences. I spent the next 4 days helping out at the wake and offering my support to merv and his family. In those 4 days, i manage to know merv's mum a little more and also his aunties. Every night, i saw how close this YC family is, offering help in doing little things and giving support to merv. YC-ers just came and did their part, getting drinks for guests, opening doors, traffic marshalling, moving tables and chairs. Everyone just did what they can. It was a testimony. It was a showcase of papa God's family. Somehow, relationship building is part of the YC giftings. I never expect the little things that i do can bless someone so much. Heard about merv's mum's comments on me, i was blessed. not because of my abilities, but because of papa God's grace in my life. The glory all goes back to papa God. Had lunch with the family after the funeral on saturday and it was a good time to a closure for the long week.

From a time of grieve, it quickly changed to a time of celebration within a hour. It was charis' wedding on saturday and some of us attended the wedding at cornerstone church. it was a good time seeing her again and could really see how happy she is to get married. it was nice catching up with her and uncle timothy. After that, we went back to church to hang-out for a short while before proceeding to sentosa, palawan beach, for some north indian food at the invitation of Aunty Sally. it was good and the food was fantastic. after that, it was home sweet home to catch up on lost sleep over the last week.

Sunday as usual was spent in church. Arrived in church around 1.35pm and waited for service to start. The speaker today was Brent Chambers and his son, Nathan. I was blessed by his words and his music.

Had a bite at kopitiam after service before going back to church for trainee jamming. Because of some miscommunication, we didn't do the intended training and did some jamming instead. It was good i guess.

Dinner was at Plaza Singapura's Long John Silver. Got home and decided to go online for a short while and well it ended up with me writing this blog entry. By the time i'm done with writing this blog, it was 1.15am on monday morning. i am tired. i need to sleep. goodnight...

some pictures of the 10 days of exile...

Me and May May...

Mr Wong connecting with his metrosexual side...
(bag courtesy of regina aka crooked wong)

Me once again playing with dana's glasses...
Come on! at least i look good...

Quote of The Day
"Life is for fulfilling the greater purpose. Find that purpose."

Finally, it's over...

2006-09-14T20:42:00.000+08:00

after one week of project-headaching (came up with my own term), i'm done with all my project presentations (infact today was my last presentation) and lectures will be done by next week! after that, it will be preparation time for exams. exams will run from 2nd - 15th October. please pray for me and all my classmates. 4 modules this term. The dynamics of mass communication, techniques of professional speaking and writing, social behavioural studies and human mass communications. no mcqs, only essays for exam questions. time to put into writing, the stuff that i have learnt the last 10 weeks. the matter of fact that time is passing so fast! just a blink of the eye and i'm at the end of my second last term in MDIS. soon, it will be over and then it's time for the next phase of life. passing too fast! but with lots of things i learnt. i would say it's a worthwhile time of my life. it will always be a written part of my life. it cannot and will not be erased from my life.

life have been good and i'm coming to the end of my "sabbatical". lots of words from papa God and i know for sure that it's time for me to serve again. serve where and what? worship will be my first priority. time to step up on the calling that papa God have given me in worship. alot of times, i wanted to be someone that is able to do many things and any thing. that is a true statement and i also know that for the next season, papa God wants me to work on my calling and get equipped in the area of worship. leading worship and getting a understanding of biblical worship. Combining both the Word of papa God and youth worship into one will be one of the goals. word-focused, spirit-led, youthful worship for the young generations of today.

church building is finally up! it's beautiful and majesty. most importantly, it remind me of the greatness and faithfulness of papa God to kum yan and me. a place where i will never leave on my own accord, a place where my roots will be rooted deep, a place where my family and future generations will serve and love. the building blend into the surrounding smu campus but still retaining it's uniqueness. i love the building but more importantly, i love my church.

Some pictures of the new church building

Side view of my church

Close up front view

Nice front view

saw the building at night and it was breathe-taking. it look so nice and warm. papa God is leading us into a new place. preparing us for the national calling. just like what Rev. George said at family camp, there is a national calling and kum yan is part of that calling. i believe in that call totally!

16 more days to the end of my rest...

Busy week...

2006-09-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

oh well... another exodus from blogging the last few days. can't help it... really really busy and tired...

after reading my post on sunday, i figure out that most people will be thinking, "so what is alvin going to do next?". to be honest, i am still praying but got some initial ideas for the next phase of life.

as usual... summary for the awol days again...

Monday

out shopping with brian and ben wu. became brian's fashion consultant. met eugene with the both of them after that for dinner at the hk cafe at novena. while we were there, the novena church, which was opposite, was having some praise and worship concert and the songs that they were singing were like ours. there is a revival out there.

Tuesday

was out in town with classmates after their presentation. haha... everyone of them were in formal wear and it's quite a sight to see them in formal. went to town to hang out and as usual, went to play cs. this is like one of our favourite activity. hahaha... left the group around 5pm to pick melody up for eileen's farewell dinner with the rest of the blue moo-ers. dinner was at chongqing steamboat near bugis and after dinner dessert, tcc.

Wednesday

full day of school and rushed home to get my bball stuff after class. basketball was fun and mr john heng actually joined us! hahaha... played till 10 plus before proceeding to ms dawn tay's house to surprise her for her birthday... hahaha... it was a fun time... hehehe... surprise she may be but the smell of durian will fill her house for at least a few days... hahahaha!!!!!!!!! 7 boxes of durians for the record...

Thursday

didn't go to school today cause i wasn't feeling well and needed the sleep. woke up around 12pm and had my favourite fishball noodle at block 65. haha... it's been a long time since i actually had it. it was familiar... the taste, the texture. met uncle henry at 5pm for discipleship. it was fun. nice talking to and learning from uncle henry. got home and cooked my own dinner. i like my dinner. honey glazed chicken and carbonara. delicious!

in the session today with uncle henry, i learnt so much about discipleship. i realised that discipleship isn't just about teaching but it's also relational. Jesus' model for discipleship was first, spend time with Him and then go out and actions. so it's all about spending time with Him. it was such a revelation. now i understand the basis of discipleship.

i am enjoying my life right now and i know it's a time of rest for me. i also know that very soon, it's time for me to step out again and do the things that papa God have called me to do. before that happens, i want to enjoy my rest. so i will only think about it when october come. anything before that, out of my mind...

tomorrow's going to be a long day. full day lesson and then cell group in the evening. papa God, i need strength from You. light my path and show me Your way!

Quote Of The Day

it's all about relationship and spending time with Jesus...

My last month of rest...

2006-09-04T00:28:00.000+08:00

one more month to the end of my sabbatical rest and so much things is happening once again. AWE night and today's sermon really set the stage for the ending of my sabbatical.

i saw what was my passion yesterday at AWE. youth people worshipping papa God the way they understand and papa God loves it. i saw so many young people giving their all in worshipping papa God and how worship can actually change lives. the prayers that was prayed so many years ago for them are beginning to take place. praying for God to meet them in worship, worshipping in a way that is relevant to them, raising up youth ministries in the cac churches that will be relevant to the youths that they are reaching out to, youth ministries will be fun to the youths, papa God will be real in their lives rather than a god that is spoken to them by their leaders, are all being fulfilled now. one day, we will see an army of cac youths taking the arenas of the secular world by storm.

today we had Rev. George Annadorai speaking at yc. i know it was a anointed time cause it was today that set the stage for my sabbatical end. he talked about the connection between singapore's destiny and yc's destiny. it was co-related. the israelites were circumcised before they entered the promised land not because papa God wanted them to sacrifice something but it's because by circumcision, it prophetically symbolized the coming under the blood (which was referring to the blood of Jesus or coming under papa God's authority) and when they went into Jericho, it was because of the blood that they were all unharmed. no israelites were harmed but everyone on the side of jericho was killed. entering Jericho symbolized the founding of Israel as a nation and it was considered the national day of Israel. when they entered jericho, it was after 40 years and coincidentally, Singapore is 41 this year which means that like Israel, Singapore is entering into her promised land from this moment on. (1st similarity) when Israel entered jericho, the next things that they are going to encounter is the 7 giants of the land which is the 7 different nations or people occupying the promised land. what Singapore is also encountering is the 7 arenas of the nation. (arts and entertainment, business, church, dental and healthcare, education, family, government) (2nd similarity) i was amazed by this prophetic message. i know that papa God definitely placed this message in Rev. George for ky and yc. i know that papa God wants everyone of us to be "circumcised" and be able to move over to the other side of the gate unharmed. God knows that if anyone is to pass through the gate without being circumcised, they will be killed and be struck down by satan. Because satan will use everything that we have done wrong, without confessing our sins, ever since we became a christian to bring us down. in Malachi 3:16 talks about papa God writing down everything in a book of rememberance which records all our good deeds and satan also has one which records all the bad things that we had done. how come? (satan cannot pick on the things that we have done wrong before we become christians because the moment we receive Jesus as our savior, all those sins are already paid for but the sins that we commit after becoming christians will be recorded unless we confess those sins already) when israel entered into the promised land, it was the young people that was leading it. Joshua and Caleb were the caretakers of the new generation which was born in the desert. so none of them were circumcised and that's why they had to be circumcised before they enter the promised land.

so everyone of us need to be under the blood. when Rev. George asked for response, i knew that i had to response. it was significant. i knew i had a breakthrough today. it was time. time to raise the gear again. time to be fervent and time to be spirit-led.

the stage is set and so clear now. step up on the gear and move faster. i know i have to move myself. not about emotions anymore, it's about answering and fulfilling the call of papa God on my life. flowing with the nation and church's destiny. it's all co-related. everything is linked.

it was a time of recollections of papa God's words to me and also a time where i recommit myself back to Him. time to start working again. time to serve again.

Summary of Saturday and Sunday

Saturday
9am - Soccer
6pm - Guitar teaching @ woodlands
8.30pm - AWE

Sunday
1.30pm - YC
5pm - jamming
9pm - dinner with ben and ah lap @ PS' Carls Junior

Quote Of The Day
when papa God moves, make sure you are ready to move together with Him.

Day of having fun... hahaha...

2006-09-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

oh well, looking at my title for this entry, you would have guessed that i had a great day! haha...

went to school today but realised that i actually didn't need to be there! haha... but the good thing is that i actually got my marks! i got a 8/10 for process of my project and 8/10 for my class participation. haha! cool! it pays to be there even when you are not required to. haha! had some fun in class talking to people and playing bluff... hahaha... then lunch was at the malay stall outside mdis along the row of shops under the flats. the food was fantastic! it is so good that now i totally refuse to eat from the malay stall in school. haha...

afternoon was ms benita's class. because it was a tutorial class, attendance was little and so she actually had a time of talking at the end of the class. we sat around and she started asking us where we were from and what we want to do. hahaha... it was like a career counselling session. haha... telling us to do what we really like and want, rather than just go with what we study and then spend our whole life there. hahaha... it was good... a really good time... i'm beginning to wonder if she's actually part of the kingdom. hmm... food for thoughts...

saw shermeen's email about her selling her "treasures" to raise fund for her volunteer trip to israel. called her and had a short conversation with her. manage to encourage her a little and also to tell her that whatever she is doing is something many people can't do. even in selling her "treasures", it was a sign of giving up everything for the cause. money can always be earn back but money will not be able to buy the experiences that she is going to get from this volunteer stint. seriously, if papa God calls me, i'm also ready to do it too...

after class was a trip down to the airport to send ben soh off... got there, had popeyes and then went to pray for him. we did it in a rush cause some of us actually need to go to naval base primary school for the combined sports day with the english congregation. that's why we didn't send ben soh off at the gate.

got to naval base primary school around 7.45pm and they were about to start. just in time... hahaha... thank papa God! haha... it was nice to see so many kumyanites coming together to play some sports... hahaha... we had floorball, line soccer, table tennis and board games for those that are less sporty. hahaha... it was just so heart-warming. all the families coming together to enjoy one another's company. having fun together is seriously what's lacking in the families of today. many families just doesn't come together to have fun and spend time together... i was tired... i didn't play any games but actually spent some time playing with chavelle and it was tiring... hahaha... but also contributing to it was edwin. (best friend!) haha... a small kid... had fun... hahaha... took pictures with jo and then erica... hahaha... waiting for jo to send me the pictures so that i can put it up here. took a ride after that from chao to school with jiahao so that we can take a bus home from there. hahaha...

on my way home on bus 61 from school with jiahao, we saw a accident near my house and it was a real bad one... the front part of the truck was actually smashed to the brim and there was only a small gap between the front and the back... the driver was stuck in the seat and the last i saw, they were trying to get him out. when i saw it, i began to start thinking of life.

i realised how short life can be. how life can just be taken away from you just in a matter of second. we never know when we will go back to meet papa God . this is not to live in fear but to understand that every second that we are still alive is by grace and it's a gift to be alive. the fact that no one can be sure whether one can wake up from one's sleep tomorrow just prove it. haha... i mean if papa God wants us back, nothing can change that but the only thing we can do is to know that even if we leave now, we will have no regrets and that we have lived our lives to the fullest. so live life and live it well. live it to the fullest and live it in the best way you can.

so today's summary will be one of life. learned so much about life today from papa God. is this a sign? i wonder...

Quote Of The Day
know your life. only you will know whether it's the best that you're living now...

Back again... My long tiring week...

2006-08-31T21:52:00.000+08:00

finally back after a short break from blogging.... haha... actually i was tired and didn't managed to blog the last few days...

well.. a short summary of monday to wednesday...

school was happening everyday and non-stop actions with the lecturers. hahaha... did a presentation on monday for TPSW on Big Mac. got a 9/10 for presentation. haha... good enough... 2 down, last 2 to go for this term. went down to town on tuesday and wednesday. haha... as usual, it was crazy times... hahaha... wednesday was funny... class finished early cause the afternoon class lecturer was on mc. so we decided to go to town and chill... went down to far east plaza for lunch first. it was a real big group... 14 of us... hahaha... then it started pouring and i figure out that wednesday bball was going to be cancelled. so hang out all the way till like 11pm. hahaha... it was a seriously fun time... activities include shopping, xbox, laning, dinner and smoking (for the smokers and many times...). got home, was too tired and then fell asleep... hahaha...

jiewei as usual... looking pretty...

the 3 little pigs?

laptop stack... rasul, michelle and mine...

my laptop butler for the day... shy...

as usual, thursday is rest day for me and i stayed home till the late afternoon. it was raining non-stop and just too crazy to go out in that rain. it finally stop around 4pm and by then, i was hungry (cause i was too lazy to walk downstairs to buy my lunch.) had a turkish kebah at parkland before going to sim lim to pick up some stuff... met some of the church guys for dinner at meridian's food court for dinner after that. hahaha... got home and decided to write this entry to at least make up for the last few days of AWOL.

had a good talk with jiewei and rasul on tuesday while sitting down at penisular for dinner and then drinks afterwards at TCC. talked about life and how money is hard to come by. i realised that both of them actually know their limits when it comes to money and also know the hard work that is put in to earn money. haha... they actually shared about their job working experience during the 'O' level waiting period. haha... but i guess it's good that they know now rather than when they come out to work at the end of their studies... cool stuff...

it has been a long 4 days for me. hearing from papa God have been lots. understanding why papa God only allowed me to study secularly now and how He had changed my mindset so much that i don't even realise it until i talk to people. am knowing even more now that my call to worship needs to be fulfiled. can almost hear papa God just saying "GO!" am just waiting for this mass comm course to finish and then be prepared to see where papa God leads me to! hahaha... i am excited... mass comm? worship? where's the link? there is a link... communicating worship to the masses... i know now... speak to the masses it is... i am ready to go... "here am i, send me!!! me! me! me! i am available" shouts from the inside of my heart!

Quote Of The Day
money is alway hard-earned... make full use of it and use it wisely....

Record Breaking Blue Moo Friday and Long Hot Saturday...

2006-08-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

was too tired to post anything yesterday after blue moo. this is getting more and more frequent. oh no...

Friday

finally mr jason wong have left for canada for his exchange program. woke up at 12pm and immediately wash up and left to meet jh at outram mrt to make our way down to the airport. got to the mrt and both of us was so blur that we boarded the wrong direction of the train. haha... we went to redhill when i realised how come the colours of the walls are red? only then did we found out that we took the wrong direction. haha... it was so funny. can't believe that we actually did that. haha... got off the train and took the right direction towards the airport. oh man... my first time... got to the airport and alot of people are there already. popeyes for lunch... (our usual meal at the airport... other than BK...) sent him off and back to church i went...

got back to church and went to smu to buy some drinks from mr tea with reg and jh... haha... it's really worth it and it taste real good too! a 16oz milo dinosaur only cost me $1.50. enjoyed it totally! got back to church and waited for danny to come and pick up the speakers for blue moo. yea... it's blue moo friday and it is going to be a tiring night. (as usual, the crowd just kills us physically....) got to ymca to setup around 3.30pm. by the time we were done, it was 5.30pm and we were surprise! the first time in our history we actually have time for some sit down dinner. haha! so xiang, eileen and pearly were sent out to gather some provision for the group. they came back with chicken rice, duck rice, chee cheong fun, ah bo ling. shiok! had a good meal before an onslaught from the crowd later. haha... oh well...at least this time round wasn't so bad cause the group didn't really attracts that many crowd but enough to make me feel tired! hahaha... it was "key elements" performing... haha... it proved to be a record breaking day as by the time we were done packing, it was only 10.30pm! haha! for the first time! hahaha! another record! as usual, went down to our usual supper place... haha... dim sum i like... by the time i got home, it was 2.15am... went straight to bed and couldn't write at all...

cool shades?

mr cool...

the damages we did at the supper place... me and shane....

orange effect?

Saturday

had to get up at 8am today for the saturday soccer club. haha... it was super duper amazing hot weather today. oh man... was totally burned... looks like an malay boy now. went down to arts canteen to eat again. haha... it's officially our favorite lepak place now... hahaha... cheap and good food... hahaha... power hour was the next program that was going to happen. took bus with xiang to church. totally zonked out on the bus ride. haha... got there and enjoyed a half an hour sleep in mr wong's cubicle before power hour. hahaha... finished power hour and then down for worship pract. everything was finished only 8.30pm. oh man... long day... went for dinner after that at xiang man luo at bras basah. hungry... finish dinner but not without the usual around dinner table talk before leaving. haha... funny... all the ugly stuff let out of the closet. bad habits, smelly ones too... hahaha all revealed.

was walking to the mrt to accompany the rest and also jh needed to top up his ezlink and saw this picture outside fila. it was a cool picture and i decided to take it down... really nice...

cool picture eh?

was loading pictures into the com to put up in the blog when i saw this picture in my phone. it's actually a picture of our new church building that is still in construction. the cross is up already. can't wait to take the elevator after such a long period of stair climbing... hahahha!!!!

cross up....

well, today was another day spent in church and i'm getting back the groove. one more month before the sabbatical is up. then it's time to think about stuff. for now, just enjoy the rest... it might seem really tiring for me yesterday and today but i guess i'm living it to the fullest. haha... that's what really important. live life to the fullest and you won't regret it...

so is there quote of the day then? haha... of course there is one... and here it is...

Quote Of The Day
live your life to the fullest... you never know when you're going to meet your Creator...

Singaporean? I AM ONE...

2006-08-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

was just watching channel 8 and they had a program which is talking about the Prime Minister Lee's message on sunday. didn't watch the message on sunday but thank papa God for being to watch it today...

never felt so emotional in such programs before but while watching it today, i realise how proud i am for being a singaporean. PM Lee was introducing the people who have made it to the "world cup". the referee that refereed 4 world cup games in the recent world cup in germany, the team leader of the team from ntu that won the world robotic championship and the chefs from a hotel that is going for another competition after being the reigning champion for the last 3 world culinary championship. i was emotional because it's my country that they are representing and i know they take great pride in doing so.

one statement that PM Lee said was "we always worry about the future and we never take for granted the present." when i heard that i know what papa God have done in this nation. from a small fishing village to a advancing city, i know this is all by the grace of papa God. only He can bring us this far and it's nothing that can be explained by human knowledge. it took us only 40 years to get to where we are. i am proud to be singaporean and i hope that if you are reading this post now, you will also be proud to be a singaporean (if you are one...)

i sit infront of my lappy and thank papa God that i'm able to be born in this nation. no fear of bomb exploding, gun shots in the background of the silent night, constant ringing of the police sirens and many other which is the fears of many people in other countries. water flowing out of the tap is drinkable, electricity blackout not a norm... all these are by the grace of papa God. i am so thankful and i know there is a reason why papa God gave and rise this nation to its standing of today's society.

so today if you see this post, would you please pray for singapore to rise up to its calling to be the antioch of asia and not take for granted the things that she has.

Pray this today...

Father, thank You for the things that You have done for Singapore. The blessings that you have poured out on us are so great and miraculous that we know You are making us to be the antioch of asia. Thank You for giving us leaders that leads with integrity and honesty, leaders that love the nation and her people. Bless them and bless their family. For those that still haven't know You, Lord sent people that will witness to them and show You to them. Lord, send Your angels to guide and guard the generations that is coming up and that they will not lose the values that You have given to Singapore when she was first founded. The values that have led Singapore to where she is today. Let the generation know Your name and You. Let this generation be used to fulfil the destiny of Singapore.

In Jesus name i pray.... AMEN!

long long wednesday... and a relaxing thursday...

2006-08-24T17:33:00.000+08:00

Wednesday

day started early early... class was at 9am and runs all the way till 4pm. went to the airport after class to send our dearest mr wong off to his 3-months stint in perth with pastor benny. somehow, it has become a norm process rather than the emotional first time that he left for perth when he went off to study. oh well, times really flies! i guess 3 months will be real fast...

it's wednesday and the normal activity at night is basketball with the dudes in church. went down in mervyn's car after sending mr wong off at the airport. good workout and good shooting night... haha... beginning to find my touch back again and this time round, it's more deadly. by the time we were done, it was already 10.30pm. hit the coffeeshop for dinner with taffy, merv, david.

after dinner, mervyn, jh and me headed down to jason's house to supposedly to help him pack but by the time we were there, he was already done. (but it's the messiest kind of packing that i have ever seen...) as usual, everytime the throne zone meet, it's always talking and sharing of stuff and it's always a long extended time. haha... we talked and talked and talked about stuff (not necessary about BGRs...) it was a good time and always good to spend some time with people who are leaving and especially those that is close to you. (well, jason is leaving on fri afternoon to canada for 6 mths.)

it was another one of those days that i ask papa God that question... "when is it my turn? i want to go!" and His answers is always, "I know, I know... not time yet... wait awhile more..." it always happens when we go to the airport to send people off. well, i'm not complaining here. don't get me wrong. all i'm saying is that when you are waiting to go, always make sure that the timing is right and it's in papa God's plan. i hate to say this but when you decide to go your own ways, you always fall short of the best plan that papa God have for you and when that happen, i would say that you have robbed yourself of the best. i have learnt that the hard way and i know it's really painful and hard to accept even when you think that you're trying to serve papa God by going there or doing somethings.

Thursday

as usual, thursdays are my rest days at home. woke up at 12pm after the late night with the throne zone guys. decided to finished up the campbell soup that you read on tueday. (it taste as good as ever...) spent some time watching some clips from youtube and it was hilarious. so many stupid videos and videos of people doing stupid things to themselves. (roller-blading, skating, skateboarding.... to name a few...) it's just stupid! i wonder why people would want to do such stupid videos. for me, i'll rather do videos that will impact people in a great way. impacting the generations thru the use of technology for papa God.

oh well, cooked my own dinner again today. the menu consist of luncheon meat (again!), egg and rice. sound and looked simple but to me, it's a good meal. i really like this kind of meals. simple yet fulfilling. i love it!

i felt papa God asking me this question. "if, for the rest of your life, you are going have just these for dinner but you will be serving me full time, are you willing?" my first reaction was to think and try to imagine how it will look like. after doing that, my response was, "then how about my family? my wife and kids?" then papa God said, "well, they are going to follow you and do the things that you are doing." i stopped and thought for awhile and the finally i told papa God, "okay, i'll do it! i know that You will not leave me to die because i know You have a good track record and my family might not have what they want or desire but i know that we will be a close family, i will have a good relationship with my wife and my kids will be the nicest people around and You are going to bless them to do ever greater things that i can do. so for all these, i rather not be rich and get what i want but go Your way and let You lead my path." so as i continue to eat my dinner, it became even more tastier and appealing.

even as i continue to walk this journey of fulfilling papa God's dreams in my life, i'm beginning to be more contented with the stuff that i have, more thankful for the friendships and relationships that is in my life and more sensitive of the works of papa God in my life and in the nation. i'm praying that papa God will reveal more of the next step to take (either back to tca or to hills). pray with me if you would. email me or send me a sms or even talk to me when you see me if you hear anything from papa God.

Quote Of The Day
good food will only last you a short period but a good character and a intimate relationship with papa God will last you forever and to eternity.

Gossip Tuesday...

2006-08-22T21:55:00.000+08:00

well... looking at my title for this post, you certainly will understand how my day went. haha... and i'm sure you got it right at your first guess...

went to school and it was one of those full day school for me. always enjoys these full day school cause it's the only time where i get to spent lots of time with my classmates. doing stupid things or even just sitting around talking and chatting and that was what happened today.

sat around with gerlynn, nicole, dana, baojun, jiewei, rasul and marcus because we belong to the 1-50 side of the attendance book. (the other side was 51-100 and yes, there is 100 of us in the course although it doesn't look like it.) i'm amazed at the size of singapore and how all the girls actually knows the same friends or at least know some history about some people. it's just amazes me! the best part was they actually talk with such passion. haha... channel it to presentation and they will definitely get an 'A'. haha! but i guess i'm just amazed how girls can click just like that... as long as they find an common ground with each other. i'm scared! you never know what they know about you... haha! i guess as long as you live your life with integrity and honesty, nothing bad will happen to you cause they don't have anything to say.

crazy day... wearing dana's specs...

bao as usual... trying to look pretty...

model look? bimbo leh...

dana and nicole with my phone... haha

finished school and went off to the canteen to have a small bite before going home. saw the "MDIS" basketball team and don't think they can play. haha... far off from where i am. different level. the typical US streetball play with lots of stunts but can't get the ball in. haha... in the end, it's about getting the ball into the net and scoring. no one will remember the stunts that you did if you end up the loser. no one... oh well, can't wait to get my hands on the ball tomorrow. wednesday is basketball day...

got home and decided to cook my own dinner instead of buying. had fried rice with luncheon meat. shiok! best combi! haha... cooked campbell's chicken cream soup and then realised that mummy's old yellow melon soup is actually still there. no competition for her soup. mrs campbell lose out in this round. decided to keep the cream soup for tomorrow instead. haha... dinner was good and then spent the next 4 hours watching tv which i haven't been doing for a long time. i;m surprised actually. tv used to be my life. it has to be on everyday and every hour and sometimes even when i'm sleeping. haha.. oh well... enjoyed all singapore drama serials... best!

i guess today was quite fun and normal. my life have been evolving around church for the last 4 years where i almost spent mondays to sundays in church. (working and working...) now i'm experiencing a different lifestyle of a student's life which i believe papa God is giving me so that i can relate to the students that i am going to reach out to. the kind of pressure (from school and peers) that is surrounding them everyday. now i understand it even more. talk about being equipped. this is the things that papa God wants us to be equipped with. thank You papa God... like i always tell the youths, the things that you are going through now might be tough but papa God is going to use that to give you a ministry. it's going to be your staff that you are going to help those people with just like how moses brought the israelites out of egypt. all he had was a staff and worse still, he can't even speak properly but papa God still used him to fulfil His wishes. so be a moses...

feeling a deeper and stronger sense of papa God wanting me to go back to bible school to finish up where i left off after this course. not confirming anything but will continue to pray and see where papa God will lead me. it's all for Him...

Quote Of The Day
live your life right and understand that one day, people are going see it and be moltivated to go the same way.

tired sunday and monday...

2006-08-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

well... didn't manage to blog yesterday cause by the time i got home, i was so tired that the only thing i can do after i bathe is to lay down and fall asleep. (hygiene is important...)

oh well... just to clear up what happened on sat. it was tiredness complete with unfocused mind which led to all those feelings. oh well, it's part and parcel of life, so it's seriously how you deal with it that will matter.

SUNDAY

anyway, woke up late on sunday after a hangover from sat's events. haha... was so tired that i slept all the way till 1.30pm and realised that i'm late for service. oops! so by the time i got to church, it was around 2.30pm. thank God worship ended around that time. so i didn't miss the "sermon" part. watch a video clip titled "transformation hawaii" and it was about the transformation of hawaii under God's grace and how God can change things when a nation turn back to Him. crime rate dropped, graduation rate increase and out of job rate decreased. these are just a few things that will happen when God is made the Lord of the nation. it was so inspiring. can't wait to go back to ministry.

went to kopitiam for some snack after service. had some tim sums and bubur hitam! (my favourite!) haha! so shiok! just the way i like it! went back to church after that for some jamming actions. was on the drums and enjoyed it. haha... on well, who doesn't enjoy jamming? haha...

short pit stop @ Dome...

dinner was at Hong Kong Cafe @ katong. decided to go there because me, jh and jason wanted to have dinner with ian before he leave for perth on wed. went there with jh, jason, merv, ben and ian. the food there is really good! seriously! i had the original "din min" (instant noodle) with luncheon meat, sunny side up and a just nice serving of pork chop. costed me $6.90. worth it i must say. adding to it a original "si mud" milk tea. (best combination!) that was for dinner. dessert was a mango king. (overload of mangoes...) while we are there, we got to watch a little of man utd vs fulham and chelsea vs man city. it was fun! spent the whole time there making fun of mervyn! (TTT!) haha!!!! we also talked about some stuff that God is leading each of us to do... it was fun... got home around 2.30am. too tired to do anything else expect to sleep. (sorry for those who need a small dosage of my life story to get you into bed.)

MONDAY

couldn't wake up this morning on time for class. decided to go for the second half of class. got there and as usual, mr jailani was the usual entertainment for TDMC. enjoyed the second half of class. he's good!

went out with eddie, james, tany and lionel after school. had lunch @ margaret drive market and then off to parkland for some serious gaming actions! haha! shiok! 2 rounds of zero hour and then 2 rounds of hero seige which we still haven't complete. haha! played till like 4.45pm then off went me and james to NUS for monday tennis.

today's game was made up of me, james, ben fong, queenie, jason, mervyn, queenie's dad and jiamei. well, for the first time, i actually talk to jiamei. haha... nice and part of the journalist revolution. haha! she's working as a journalist! haha! cool! played till 9pm and then proceeded to holland v's katong laksa for dinner. fulfilling! haha! nice and i like! hahaha! got home with a lift from jason. (thank God for friends with cars and also those without cars!) haha!

well, these two days have taught me lots of stuff. stuff about myself and how i react now compared to last time. i learnt so much more of how to relate to people and how different people need different approach. so i guess there is no "foolproof" way of relating to people but i guess the most important factor must be everyone of us must be real! meaning that we don't just portray the joyful side but also we must be real even in relating anger, pain or hurt. that's where the "don't live with a mask" comes in. it's about being real before people so that people can also be real with you knowing that there won't be any rejections in being real infront of you. so always be real with friends and if they respond in the same way, you have a friend!

Quote Of The Day
be real and get a friend! Only real friends are willing to be real with you.

long long long saturday...

2006-08-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

it was a long long long long saturday... woke up at 6.45am to get to church and settle some stuff before going to marina south for our soccer tournament. bought bread for the team but left it in church. got to marina south and distributed the jerseys to the players. 1st match started at 10am and we lost 1-0. we won the second, third, fifth match and drew the fourth and sixth match. in the quarter-finals, we won on penalty after a 0-0 draw and then went on to win the semi-finals 2-0. In the finals, it finished 0-0 at the end of normal time and it was down to penalty to decide the champions. we missed 2 penalties and they scored 2 penalties and we lost. we ended up first runner up but went beyond expectations.

well, on the outside, it looks like quite a feat for a day but for me... it totally suck! don't ask me why because i just think it sucks! sat soccer? forget it...

medal?

well i guess in the end, it all about me me me me me me me me me me me me me! i want, i want, i want... play this, play that... i don't want to put this in, i don't want to put that in. it's all crap! whatever it is, i'm just pissed today. i have my "off" days too... it's human... when you give someone the liberty to do something, they just take it and think they are the one... oh well... enough of soccer. don't want to let it take my joy away. not worth it. not worth working my butt off... emotions getting overboard...

went back to church after soccer to join some YA dinner. enjoyed myself so much there than soccer... totally found the joy that i need so much after soccer. found it and enjoyed myself. had nice nasi lemak, satay and drinks. totally satisfying. this is the good moment of today. oh well... i'm so so so tired now. don't want to think about anything now...

Quote Of The Day
whatever it is, don't let your emotions rule you...

Busy Friday...

2006-08-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

didn't manage to wake up on time for school today due to the tiredness of my physical body. needed that extra 2 hours of sleep and decided to only go for the second half of the lecture. it was Social Behavioral Studies today.

spent the whole afternoon waiting for the team's jerseys which we need tomorrow morning for the MWS tournament. was supposed to collect at 2pm but was told that it was delayed cause there is not enough numbers for our jerseys and they were flying it in from thailand but it will only arrive at 4pm. felt a little irritated cause they didn't even bother to call us until we showed up at the shop. decided to get the shorts and socks first cause i figure out that when i go back to collect the jerseys later, i won't be able to carry everything and since tany, eddie and lionel was with me. we were looking forward to seeing our jerseys for the first time. took a bus to church and i was so tired on the bus that i just fell asleep the whole journey. got to church and spent a little time on managing the accounts for the jerseys. (as usual, there is always unpaid and missing money.) found out that we overpaid for the jerseys! haha! oh well... got there to collect our jerseys at 6pm and there is so much hipcups! jersey not printed... (we order a yellow for our keeper but they totally forgot about it. we had to wait for them to bring it to the printer to print and even then, they didn't have the size needed for yellow so we have to settle for blue instead. oh well, at leat it turned out nice...) got back to church and the young adults were enjoying the food from "mama hoi's kitchen". my very own mummy! haha... shrimp paste chicken, pork chop and stirred fried winter melon. had some chicken and went to sort out the jerseys for the players tomorrow. so much work! so busy and so irritated! went to cell after that but left early to come home to rest and do some work.

well, felt the whole day was a patience-endurance test. i was so irritated the whole day with the hipcups of the jerseys that i totally lost track of my own being. it was only when i reached church that i realised that it had overtaken my whole being and i was allowing myself to be irritated. the final straw came when john bevere made this statement. "the devil can't make us do things, he can only try to distract us and make us go down the wrong way" i knew papa God was telling me to be careful and not let the devil distract me. it was such a revelation and i just totally gave it to papa God and ask for His strength again. i knew that i was playing the devil's game and he was dominating it. i decided to break out and make myself the game master instead of allowing him to dominate and dictate the game. i won in the end cause he knows that i'm not going to play his game anymore. he lost! haha! i win! loser!

Quote Of The Day
don't let the devil rule and dictate the game. you can be your own game-master.

thursday blast!

2006-08-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

can't seem to wake up this morning but finally did so after 4 snooze alarm rampage which made it 8.30am. dragged my lazy feets to to the toliet and made my way to school after a tiring walk to the bus stop outside my house. all these tiredness, all thanks to a movie marathon the night before. slept at 4am the night before but somehow, i managed to stay awake for class and then a "out the whole day" program with tany, eddie, james and xiang.

jailani's class is getting more and more exciting as the days goes by. more and more of his "funny" acts are beginning to surface and apparently he's liking the attentions. but i figure out that he's just being himself and also trying to make the class more exciting and interesting. at least now i can tell stories of having a lecturer that acts like that! haha! i really enjoy his class and i think he is seriously knowledgable in the subject that he's teaching us. good lecturer... watched lots of movie clips today and it is so darn good. this guy is teaching...

well, the whole of today after school was spent with eddie, tany, james and xiang. (lionel was with us for lunch before going off to meet someone.) we had lunch at holland v at the famous noodle shop along the subway row of shophouses. a special mention of the weather today, it is crazy hot today. just totally got roasted in the hot sun while walking to holland v. after lunch, we went down to parkland for some gaming actions. (the pros are in the house!) we played C&C:zero hours and then to heroes seigns. haha... it was really fun! power to the max! almost complete one map but then lost it at the last minute due to our ignorance. stupid creeps... oh well, finished around 6 plus and went back to church where we sat down to discuss dinner plans. decided to play a little juggling soccer in the carpark while waiting for siwei to get to church to join us for dinner. our final destination, JTJ at lavander...

james and tany waiting for their turn to order...

dinner at JTJ is the usual satisfying feeling. always satisfied after a meal at JTJ. the curry and the oyster sauce just rock! for those that haven't try it before, you are missing out on many stuff man! haha! spent awhile talking at the dinner table and recalling all the primary school "havoc" times. it's just so nice and joy-filled to talk about such things. it really brings back so much memories. we talked about the stuff that we do when we are young and all those "naughty" stuff that is always part of our growing up... i really enjoyed the time at JTJ today. talked and talked and talked... like i always said, people remembers the times when they are young and did silly things but that's just what a child needs to do! silly things that will leave a mark in their lives and something to talk about when they get older! not just about xbox, playstations or the newest computers, but more of the fun and joy that they get out of being silly or doing stupid things. be a child, do silly things and learn from them! don't always be boxed up in a room and play with yourself. go out into the open! go into the unknown!

came home and opened the letterbox to find the last thing that is on my mind in the letterbox. MDIS result slip! oh mine... i was so scared to open it but felt peace and when i opened it, it was thanksgiving flowing out of me. i got a B for advertising and promotional management,C for communication skills and C for media studies. haha... thank You papa God for the results. not expected and it's a surprise! as i embark on this journey in MDIS, i'm beginning to be more thankful to papa God for everything. even when results doesn't meet the target, i'm also thankful because i'm given a opportunity to study. so thankful, so grateful.

Quote Of The Day
things might not always turn out the way you want it. but understand that it's those times, when it doesn't turn out the way you want, that will define your life philosophy. deal with it in a positive frame of mind.

sporty wednesday...

2006-08-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning @ 10.15am to make my way down to methodist hq to get the stuff from david for mws tournament this sat. got there, got briefed and went to school.

reached school at 12pm and started on gym. rasul, william and jj was supposed to be there at 12pm but all of them came late. so it was down to me and alvin. haha... had a good talk with him and begin to understand him more... haha... at least now i know he has a good spiritual background and i'm praying that he will return some day. guess this blog is working perfectly. he is a good guy, just that he needs to understand more of what christianity is all about. (bro, i pray that you will understand it soon!) now i know why papa God wants me to start this blog. oh well, it's all for Him. alvin made a remark and i know it's truth in him. he was saying that when christians go into a place, people will automatically know that they are christians cause there is a "aura" that is around them. this totally melt my heart cause i know that's truth and truth is in his life. that is such a important remark. just like the last time when he told me that by watching me play soccer, he knows that i'm a christian. i thank papa God that i haven't given Him a bad name so far! i guess i would say everything that happened today was planned by papa God. i had a good 1/2 an hour with alvin working out on the bicycle in the gym.

class was alright and during the break, the lecturer came over to talk to me and eddie at the canteen. it was a nice chat and i realised that the life that he lived is like me and eddie. studying at a older age than the rest of the classmates, he is such a moltivation. i know papa God sent him to come and talk to us cause i could hear papa God say "you are not alone!". thank You papa God.

dana and me... new friend?

as usual, wednesday nights are reserved for basketball in church. played and enjoyed the time but was careful today not to get injured and rule myself out of sat's tournament. keeping myself responsible for the team. went for dinner after that and i'm so so so so so so so tired! i need to sleep. got home with a ride from joel.

guess today was a good day cause i get to understand the little things that papa God got me to do that is now reaping the harvest. i thank papa God for the passion to write and i know He has blessed me with all the words that i have written in this blog. so you guys are literately hearing from papa God. i can feel so much of papa God's grace on me as i saw how i was able to process so much more things that i used to be able to. there is just so much more now!

alright! time to go to sleep... and for today's Quote of the Day...

Quote of the Day
people do observe how you live your life and how you behave. make sure you are making your father proud!

funny tuesday outing...

2006-08-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

woke up today ready for a good day in class... HMC in the morning and TPSW in the afternoon... ready for an encounter with wolverine...

went to school in the morning and saw our newest addition to the school. mr lionel ngooi! hahaha... second day in school and i guess it was exciting as well as a new chapter in his life. way to go bro... press on! HMC class was normal except that it came with a quiz after the break. haha! need to study and read more man! haha! TPSW class is much more interesting and enriching. as usual, the reactions of wolverine always amuses me...

left class early and went out to town with jiewei, gerlynn, jj, rasul and cass to chill. went to apple store @ cine first to send jj's ipod in for repair but was told that it can't be done. oh well... apple's fast moving product invention is just killing lots of old products. haha... anyway, they saw a pretty girl and it's jj new iGirl! haha... one of the girls working at the counter of the apple store.

went down to NYDC heeren and chilled there. diana, nicole ad william came along to join us there. spent like 1 hour there talking and laughing at jiewei. it was fun! there's going to be a special surprise for jiewei tomorrow. he will remember it for life! hahaha... after that, went with william, jiewei, rasul, cass and jj to have dinner at cine food court. cass left after dinner to go home while to guys went on a CS and winning eleven romp at cine e-games but not before going to the arcade for some daytona and ddr actions. william is just like a big kid and he totally remind me of big jamie. (in size and also the kid-ish thingy...) haha!

played winning eleven with william and totally whoop him! haha! well, from a "i'm going to go home early today" remark before we reached town, i ended up going home at 12am. oh gosh! crazy man... but i guess it was a good break for me. haha!

well, so did i learn any thing today? of course i did! i am beginning to understand how papa God actually thinks! He wants to give me the best and the most enjoyable things that i like to me but that cannot become a lifestyle for me. i really enjoy going to town and just hanging out like today but i understand the call i have on my life and i know that that lifestyle is something that would not be a common feature in my life. once in awhile, papa God will allow me to experience it but not totally soak into it. for me, i understand the love of papa God as He wants me to walk a path that i would not be familiar of. a path that is going to need lots of discipline. He knows that is the best for me and that's what i need in my life. i'm understanding more of His love for me. it might be painful and tough at times but i know that it's those times that is going to make me stronger and better. i am looking forward to the day where He will say "yes! you can go" to me... i love You papa God!

anyway, something that i realised about human beings. we can be quite sensitive sometimes when we are in the midst of some misunderstandings. we tend to want to know whether the other person is saying anything bad behind our backs. it's human but i also know it's because of past experiences that have not been dealt with, pains not healed and hurts and anger not released, that is bringing this aspect of human being out. i thank papa God for always being there and allowing us to bring all those bad experiences, pains, hurt and anger to Him. He can heal us and will heal us. that's the assurance that i always get from papa God.

So You Would Come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small,
Broken hearts, broken lives,
He will take them all.
The power of the Word,
The power of His blood,
Ev'rything was done
So you would come.

Before the world began,
You were on His mind.
And ev'ry tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes.
Because of His great love,
He gave His only Son,
Ev'rything was done,
So you would come.

Nothing you can do,
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done,
Could make Him close the door.
Because of His great love,
He gave His only Son.
Ev'rything was done,
So you would come.

The power of the Word,
The power of His blood,
Everything was done
So you would come.

this song by darlene zschech totally capture the love of papa God to His children. papa God wants us to go to Him and give everything to Him. i love this song and it's one of the favorite worship song that i love to sing. so i hope that even as you read this entry, all the pains,anger, hurts and bad experiences will be given to papa God and you can be free from all the insecurity...

Quote Of The Day
be healed or stay in pain, hurt and anger. up to you to choose.

No School Monday...

2006-08-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

was woken up @ 9am with phone calls asking if there is school today and smses confirming that class is cancelled today. went back to sleep after setting phone to silent mode. had a good rest till 12pm. woke up feeling refreshed...

spent 2 hours at queensway shopping centre looking for jersey for the soccer team. went to 2 different shop decided to buy at the second shop because of the good discount and the freebies that was given. haha... singaporean...

got home and start calling everyone to get sizes and numbers confirmation. finally completed it @ 9pm. it was a day of many phone calls... haha! posted our new jersey on the club's blog and tany was the model... a massive total of 35 sets of jerseys. haha... didn't know we had so many players. haha!

anyway, finally finished watching "Click" last night and it is such a good show! i totally can imagine the same things happening in the context of the singaporean family. it is so relevant to us! thank God for directors that comes up with good scripts. these are really god-given ideas. the punch-line came when adam sandler came back from the dream and went home in a joyous state after going through so much things in the dream. he saw a note on the kitchen table with the remote control beside it and morty wrote in the note, "i know you will do the right thing this time" many of us are always looking for the second chance and papa God is the God of second chance. He always looks forward to hearing His children ask for second chance and He's just waiting for the right time to give us the second chance. just like a child, when the child does something wrong, will always go to the father and ask for second chance and always gets it. But because we are so prideful now, we don't ask and often, things just get worse! so be childlike and always ask for the second chance where the father is always waiting to dish out. it is chances that the father wants to give out and not punishments. But often, it is the punishments that allows us to learn. so second chances always come with punishment to make us learn our lesson.

Quote Of The Day
punishment or second chances? It your choice, take it.

slack sunday...

2006-08-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

woke up this afternoon feeling the effects of not warming up properly during saturday's game. my calfs were in painful state and had it the whole day. ouch! not a good feeling. woke up late (because i was watching click the night before but didn't finish it. fell asleep after awhile) and by the time i got to church, it was 2.15pm. haha, i know i know... it's was like my first time... anyway, sermon was by pastor lisa yu from bukit panjang methodist church. (it was CAC sunday.) she spoke on 'the marks of a member'. new insights, new understanding.

after service, for the first time in 1 month, i actually went to kopitiam for lunch. went for the favorite teriyaki fried rice. yum yum. it was delicious and shiok! spent an hour there and went back after that to prepare to go for the basketball game.

went to the phillips singapore cup at the indoor stadium with ian, joel, queenie, nicole to watch spain and argentina play each other. (thank you taffy for the free tickets!) it was a sight. every where we turn, there was familiar faces and the conclusion is that the basketball community is just so small in singapore. haha... once you have played in 'B' division, you would have know most of the people in the basketball circle. haha... spain was the big winner of the night. it was nice to see NBA stars in action. Pau Gusol was one of them and he was exciting to watch. nice game, nice atmosphere. the only down point, the emcee stinks! not even close to being normal. just disappointing to heard him.

the arena...

many people...

there was a few moments of exciting movements of the ball and power play but overall, it was a normal game or simply put it, didn't live up to its expectation.

my papa God sponsored ticket for the game...

something to mention about the tickets. heard about the game from ian yesterday but figure out that i won't go cause it cost $15 just to watch the match. went home and prayed that God will provide tickets for me or He will send someone to bless me with the money to watch it. turn on my lappy and got online and taffy msg me and asked if i wanted tickets for the match. turn out that he actually got some spare tickets cause one of his friends teaches in catholic high and have some complimentary tickets because some of the teams went there to run a basketball clinic. thank you papa God! i was just so amazed by papa God that He answered my prayer almost immediately. He really wanted me to enjoy myself and do the things that i like and He provided for it all! not a single cent spent on this. just like a dad would do the necessary things needed to make sure his child is happy, papa God did the exact thing. i felt so loved by papa God. He always like to spring surprises on me. not only did He provide for me, He also provided for friends to come along. so nice... thanks papa God...

got home around 9.30pm and went downstair to the coffee shop to watch the charity shield match between liverpool (my favorite team!) and chelsea, to find out they are not showing it at all! oh my gosh! just totally stupid. no match, so came home to relax and decided to write this entry. just as i am writing this entry, the score is tied at 1-1. hopefully by the time you read this entry, liverpool would have emerged as the winner.

Quote Of The Day
surprises are always fun when you are a child. be a child and enjoy your surprises.

Chicken-filled Saturday... (new pictures added!)

2006-08-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

today, as usual, started with soccer in the morning with the guys. met up at NUS but was chased off the field by the security because there was an event running (although the area where we were playing is so far off the event place) and the field was closed. no choice but to make our way down to MDIS to play. whatever it is, we want our soccer. haha! played till like 1pm before we decide to wash up and go for lunch. lunch was chicken rice at margaret drive market.

went back to church after lunch with a bus ride that was hot and stuffy. the aircon was not working properly and due to the body heat generated from the massive crowd that was on the bus, it was really terrible. reached church and went for power hour before worship practice.

dinner after worship practice was at the "four face buddha" eating place behind church. just me and tany, i had barbeque chicken rice. it was alright and not really worth the $3.50 price tag that it has. went home after that. bus ride was a long one due to the fireworks displays that was going on. saw a little bit of it but i was so tired, i fell asleep the whole ride.

got home and had some homecooked food but there was a problem. it was soya sauce chicken. oh my gosh! chicken again... all my meals today evolved around chicken and it was just so crazy! i'm overloaded with chicken... hmm... i'm crazy...

anyway, got on my lappy and saw some messages from people. one was from kim and it's one of those problems again. guess it will never end. i understand now why dean shermen make that statement, "all problems in the world is because of relationship". not just talking about BGR but also friend to friend relationship. again, it's because of mistrust that this is happening! oh well... i guess that something that everyone of us need to learn and go through it. everyone, at a point or another, will definitely have gone through it. the only thing that is different is what we get out of it. either we become hurt and weak because of it or we just get stronger. so it's a choice. for me, i rather become stronger than to feel weak and hurt. why feel hurt and weak when you can choose to be stronger? hahaha... pick the better one...

Quote Of The Day
hurt and weak or stronger? you take your pick...

Planet Shakers Friday...

2006-08-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

it was a tiring day (as usual) but then it included lots of happenings especially the night planet shakers concert. it was a blast! just full of happenings.

morning was spent discussing about human and masa communications' project work. in the midst of discussion was also some talks about people in class. it's just human to talk about it. ended up looking at blogs and stuff. many times, that's how bad a friendship can go to when someone breach the trust factor. (no siding here! not supporting anyone...) Once that is broken, the ugly side of people will start coming up and then issue of sensitive topics will occur so often. people talking behind the back of another person. oh well, that's how low the world have gone to. even at this young age (believe me, before you pass the 20 mark, you are still considered young), people are already backstabbing each other and it has become the norm of this generation. the way to pay someone back for what they have done is to stab them deeper and harder that they receive. i always believe in trusting people but in doing that, we need to also exercise some discernment. it's important. not that everyone is untrustable, but it more like to what level can one trust another with things that is sensitive to talk about. this also means that we don't go around and tell people what's happening when the fact is that they don't even want to know. this is actually known as gossiping. nothing good about it and it's just totally disgusting. i guess papa God doesn't like to see us talking behind the back of another of His child. so don't gossip because it will always backfired and end up with you being the end receiver of the pain. so why bother? don't even go there. you weight it and be true to yourself about it. are you gossiping too much or is gossiping taking a toll on you? how many friendships have been broken because of it?

Now to the finale!

went to the planet shakers concert and was blown away by it! it was just so crazy! thousands of youth gathering at max pavilion @ expo is just so cool! we went after dinner around 6.30pm and there was already a long queue forming. we went in and the place was just so cool! there was a large standing area infront of the stage. on the two side of the stage was 2 bungee jumping station. talk about radical christianity man... then before the worship start, we had cool games with cool dances move before the pros came on to do a number with one of the planetshakers songs. by then, a group of us have already formed the mosh pit. we were ready for some mosh actions! worship started and then it was time to rock! for the first time in my life, i actually got stitch from jumping too much! it was a really good time! the mosh pit actions were crazy and i actually got a small cut on my lips because of it.

In the midst of all these actions, i felt papa God telling me something about this whole new generation of children that He's bringing up. me, jh and jason was walking to the place when we realised that so many of them are so young and we are actually like so old compared to them. most of them are like secondary school students. new generations.

This was what i felt papa God saying to me.

I don't want a generation that is passive about her worship. I want a generation that is passionate, vocal and believeing. a generation that live the same way as her worship. a generation that is so radical in her living that the wants of the world becomes a tiny sand in the beach. young people who will go out into the streets to take it for Jesus. they will understand their identities n such a way that their live are lived solely for My purpose. they will know the great-ness of Me in a big way. mega way!

because of this, i decided to write a song titled Live For Jesus. i will try to finish it by the end of the week and put it up so that you guys can listen to it.

so there is a new generation that God is raising up in this nation. a generation that will far exceed the passion and love for God that my generation had.

was just talking to clarielle while writing this entry and realised how thankful i am still being given an opportunity to study at my age. i'm looking forward to more things and now even the thought of maybe going back to bible school excite me. that might be my next move. i'd never know...

anyway, couldn't get any photos from the planet shakers concert now but will post them up the moment i get it.

Quote Of The Day
Gossips also comes back to you. so why bother to start?

a fast day... really fast...

2006-08-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

well... today's gonna be short. woke up at 12pm without first throwing my handphone to a corner due to its irritating snooze alarm. haha... that's the first time that i actually did that. wondered what came over me? tired-ness?

once again, thursday was a stay home day with lots of quietness accompanying her. i'm starting to get into this routine of having quietness in my life on a regular basis. i guess it's important. need it so much for my well-being and my spirit. i'm enjoying this "spiritual" time. spent some time reading and then did some adjustment to my lappy. by the time i was done, it was time to leave for sim lim. went to check out the price of external harddisks. expensive expensive but i need one. gonna pray for one. met jh, ben and jason for dinner at ps after a full roam of sim lim.

dinner was at carls junior. had a gigantic burger, some chilli fries and lots of diet coke. (thank You papa God for free flow diet cokes!) after dinner entertainment was a walk around ps and then proceeding to jason's house to watch tokyo drift. (third time i'm watching it! jh and ben haven't watch it so no choice.)

ben and jh @ jason's house

spent some time in the arcade of ps watching people play arcade games and stuff. realised how money-wasting and time-wasting it is. how could someone spend such precious life-time playing arcade? most of the people that i saw was working adults that's in their late 20s. that's the curse of satan on the generations. He wants to make people busy. keeping them at work late so often that when you're free to leave the office early, you don't know what to do. you start roaming the streets and get into this whole feeling of loneliness and lostness. that's why people go clubbing after work because they are afraid that the moment they reach home, the quietness and emptiness will kill them. purposes in life just doesn't exist. the whole cycle of life just becomes normal. live your life and die and that is it! the whole joy of life the way a child have doesn't exist anymore because people are so hurt and filled with so much pain. they start hiding their true self, becomes wary of people, suppressing the child within themselves which desires to be freed and slowly they get consumed by their own desires. desires to be rich, desires to have things, desires to be in the status club of society. here i am not just talking about people not from church but even christians that grew up in church becomes like that when they lose focus of the life purposes that papa God have given them. don't go down that path because it's painful! i'd gone down there many many times and i know how painful it is. move away from that place. stay in the path that papa God have given you. trust me, life will be more fulfulling, exciting and enjoyable that way. life should be exciting! but exciting not in the sense where sex is a constant feature in it. a exciting life comprises of a daily discovery of yourself and for me, a daily discovery of papa God and receiving of revelations from Him. know yourself. it's important...

anyway, back to the day. jun had reg and jeannie over at her house for dinner and a fordue party! only managed to have one mashmellow. oh well... good for my well-being. left for home at 11.45pm to safely not miss our last bus. it sucks missing the last bus and worst still, you see it leaving. not a good feeling. not at all...

well... you'll ask me how did i get all these theories about life and why is it so much "christian-nised" (if there is such a term). firstly, i'm a christian! secondly, i'll tell you that i lived long enough to know it and also because i bother to process many things that i see and all this i learn also because of the relationship that i have with papa God. i have learnt to always ask papa God what He wants to tell me everyday. it grows out of a love for papa God and He always wants to share secrets about life to His childrens. it is always important to not just live life as it is but to discover it. discovering it will make it more fun and happening. i hope that in your reading of my blog, your thoughts about life will be stirred and the way you live your life will be challenged. i'm not here to tell you that you need Jesus in your life (although i'm willing to share more with you if you want to) but to use this blog to challenge you to know the precious-ness of your life through the daily happenings of my life. so yea, live your life without regrets will be what my old man will tell me and i have come to know the importance of it. so it's totally up to you to choose.

oh man... it's another long one in the end. guess it's the joy of writing. once i start, i can't stop. hope you have enjoyed yourself till this point.

Quote Of The Day
Life: don't just live it. discover it and enjoy it.

Happy National Day! Singapore!

2006-08-10T00:31:00.000+08:00

Woke up to a nice National Day! The day where Singapore enters into the 41th year of her existance. Just like israelites entering the promise land after 40 years in the desert, i believe that Singapore is entering into her promised destiny. The antioch of asia. how cool... i could feel the excitement in the spiritual realm. it's just so thick with God's presence.

It was missy krystal butler's birthday today! a big group of us went down to her house to surprise her and also to spend some time with her and her mum. it was so funny! jiahao and i arrived at 2pm and they were already getting ready some stuff to surprise krystal with. balloons were the norm and the flowers were a plus! each of us actually wrote something for her and tied it to a stalk of flower which we placed all over her house. it was such a nice and pleasant view. so sweet... she came home at about 3.30pm and we had a wild time surprising her. oh well... not so much a surprise but i'm sure she was glad that we were there. haha... food was fabulous! (especially the curry tao pok! and the ben & jerry's ice cream too!) it was a nice time. old memorises coming back...

happy birthday krystal!

other crazy times...

oh well the afternoon was spent in krystal's house. a group of us left for justin's house after that. we spent some time doing foosball and justin's taylor. it feels good. jiahao and i sent the girls to marina south (they were going for steamboat buffet with classmates but we wished them luck as by the time we got there, the place was packed with people. not a single sight of a empty table!) and headed home after that.

got home and decided not to play bassie out. (the story goes back to krystal's house where we talked about playing mahjong at the wongs residence.) took a long bus ride to toh yi. watched the ending of the national day parade, played mahjong and had a good zhi char dinner packed from the zhi char store at S11. stayed till 11.30 and caught the second last bus home with xiang.

so the big questions. what's so exciting about today? well, many of us are so caught up with programs that we totally forgot about time with friends isn't focused on the activity but more of the relationships that are being build through it. we always need to understand that although programs are the things that brings people together, we must know that the program is not always the most important. just like when we are young, playing with our own toys are always fun but when friends are included, it's always a memorable one. i get excited whenever i get to spend time with my close friends because those are really fun times! not just because of the things that we do or the program, but because we know that when we are together, there is nothing to hide. you can just be childish for all i care but i'll still love you the same! we all be kids when we are together. it's just so precious. so so so precious.

Quote Of The Day
how you spend your time with your friends determine the level of friendship you have with them.

DAY OF HIS POWER!

2006-08-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

today proved to be a significant day... not just for me but for Singapore too...

day started officially @ 2pm today. (not counting the waking up @10am to watch "meet the fockers") went to class and got ready to learn some stuff from ms benita. talked about presentation and how to present ourselves during presentation and interviews. then she went into the whole life purpose talk and talked about how we should choose our career wisely and that we should pursue our dreams and interests rather than trying to earn the bucks. it was out of the world! on the day where the 40 days fast was suppose to end, ms benita actually talk about life purpose. now i'm hearing what God is saying to me! she is cool! follow my dreams! fulfill my passion....

anyway, class ended at 4.45pm and me, eddie and jas headed down to city hall. (we spent 20mins at the queenstown station waiting for jas...) had dinner at BK and off i went to indoor stadium for "day of His power prayer" meeting held by love singapore. a finale of the 40 days fast, it was a significant time of prayer and intercessions. there was 3 different waves of prayer and intercessions with a grand finale. the whole indoor stadium was packed with prayer warriors. it was cool... real cool... worship was led by the Joshua 21 team with our dear mr wong as one of the backup singers. he did a one verse solo of "take me deeper".

worshipping with our handphones...

First Wave...

we had a time of praying for consecration , communion and then revival prayers for singapore. the communion pack was so funny. too bad i didn't have a picture of it.

Second Wave...

then we watch a video and pastor lawrence khong came up and led us in prayers for the nations in 4 different arenas. (Church, Government, Marketplace and Media) the things that they were praying for was exactly the ones that i wrote in yesterday's post. i am amazed by the power of God. i can feel it coming back. he also had prophetic words for Singapore. we had a good time declaring the name of the Lord at the end of this wave.

Third Wave...

third wave began with pastor eugene seow challenging us to give radically and big to the Lord. one thing that he said that really made my day was "hope is when we live the dream of God out". it was so clear in defining the term hope. now i understand that the only hope that we have is to dream God's dreams. only way that we can receive hope! i am blown away but the things that God is teaching me today. then pastor rick seaward came up to lead us to pray for Singapore and then the nations. as usual, the final was left to the most important nation. East Timor. spent the last bit of it praying for East Timor.

Grand Finale

the finale was a significant time. it started with a young girl singing "it takes only a sparks" and her leading the whole stadium in a declaration of faith. it was such a power time of declaring God's power in Singapore. significant for Singapore as she enters into the ending hours of a 40 years journey. Then pastor eugene seow came up again and this time, he hit the bull's eye. he felt the Lord wanting Singapore to come back to being a child and to be childlike! Ouch! pain! but worth it... it confirmed the purpose of this blog. share on how to be a child and childlike at heart.

eunice and sheena
jiahao, chen hwa and william

i met this two girls from St hilda's church where i was sitting and had a good time praying with them. oh by the way, their names are eunice and sheena. (hope i spell it correctly!) both of them are studying in NUS' Arts. apparently eunice's grand parents are from our very own kum yan cantonese worship. small world or rather God appointed. i saw how kum yan is being used in blessing the older generations.

mr cornelius quek... going back in 2 days time...

once again, i had time to catch up with some people and it was nice. nice to see jennifer and john, gary and joanna, kelvin (the guitarist) and cornelius again. found out that cornelius is going back to the states to finish his last one year of seminary. bless you bro!

adicolor? pirated?

saw this on jo's belt and it was so funny. i asked her if it's a pirated belt from china but apparently it's actually limited edition from adidas. (maybe i'm being a mountain turtle) costed $39 from city hall. haha... oh well... it just remind me of brands from china like rien bao (reebok) or qiao dan (jordan). hahaha... old memories...

after the prayer meeting, went to lavander foodcourt to have supper with ian, joel, joanne, beatrice, jakins, noelle, queenie, keith and jael but not before going to geylang (our inital choice but it was just too crowded and hard to find parking) and then jian tao jian (it was closed). it was crazy! hahaha... had our dose of our favorite wanton noodle and the pancake. good food alway satisfy! thank You papa God for giving us the choice of choosing our food.

i thank papa God for the things that He shown me today. now i am more than ready to do the will of papa God and the passions that He have given me. i am ready to run the race again. now i want to run it like a marathon runner, not a sprinter. i am going to persever all the way till the will and dreams of God is fulfilled in my life.

By the time i got home, it was 12.30am. long day but important...

Quote Of The Day
Be a child and live like one. dream like a child and you will soar. hope is when we live God's dream out.

mondays blue? no way...

2006-08-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

well... as usual, people will ask if i ever get the mondays blue... well my answer is yes! everyone gets it but what's different is how you deal with it... for me, i chose to live with it and rather to sulk, i'll be happy! it's perceptions... don't let emotions control you and be a slave to it but you control your own emotions. well, i'm not telling you to be fake or to put on a emotional mask here... but it's more of not letting emotions overrun your life and rule it...

anyway, it was the usual mdis style school day with half the class missing and with another one quarter having their own conversations. morning was filled with laughters and joy because of the comical lecturer we have. he is just so hilarious! he acts a bit girly but i don't think he is gay. well somehow, i guess he is more attach to the feminine side of his hormones... afternoon was the usual confrontation with mr wolverine... but he was on the quiet side today. guess wolves have their off days too... hahaha! evening was spent playing tennis @ NUS.

came home from tennis and was feeling a little tired but decided that i should write the blog, come online for awhile and then go off to watch a movie on my lappy. happened to watch the new channel 8 drama serial and realised how much the culture have changed. the serials nowadays talks about how to pick up girls, marry and divorce if it doesn't work out... where has the moral values, that Singapore once lived under, gone to? after watching it, i was so disturbed in the spirit! this is the kind of values that our next generation is being brought up with! Singapore need to come back to the foundational values that we were established on since the founding of our nation. kids shouldn't be brought up with these kinds of values. i cannot imagine the kind of youths that we will have in 5 - 10 years time. we need to pray! we need to intercede! we need to stand in the gap! sow into the next generation...

if you are a christian and you are reading this, just spend 10 mins praying for the youths of Singapore and the next generation that is coming up...
Pray for...
1. God to send His angels to protect the youths of Singapore from all these ungodly values.
2. God to redeem the entertainment arena of Singapore.
3. directors and actors to be raised up to produce show with good moral values.
4. youths from churches will rise up to their call and be a light in their schools and among their friends. (they are the very people who can actually reach out to the youths in the streets, they will redeem their own generation.)

God hears every prayer and especially generation redeeming prayers... so if you think that your prayers are not important, you are wrong! the prayers of every saints will be gathered and put into a incense bowl and when it overflows, the blessing of God will flow into the nations! so pray! start praying!

tomorrow is the day of His power prayer meeting at the indoor stadium. i want to go and see how God will change Singapore. i am excited... i am ready...

Quote Of The Day

you deserve to choose and set your own culture.

p/s: sorry... no pictures today... nothing exciting to take anyway... smile!

finally... it's over...

2006-08-07T00:35:00.000+08:00

today was a good day.... it was a time of release and rejourney back to being the person that i am...

day started with lunch with pa. we had lunch at the usual place and i filled myself up with my favorite pork chop... haha... nice and good...

reached church at 12.30 to get ready for the "meeting". it was nervous at the start but guess God came to guide me and it was releasing. met ms A at dome and we talked. talked about everything that i felt and finally, i got to say what i waited to say for the past 1 month plus. thankfully it didn't turn out bad but rather it was smooth and clear cut. we are friends and that's all about it. no more hiding and trying to figure out if there is anything going on. shiok! time to move on to do what i need to do... worship here i come.... by the time we were done, it was 2pm. rushed back to church for service.

ian spoke today and totally redefined my understanding of papa God's love for me. now i understand why papa God have to keep His blessings away from us because He knows that unless we reached that level where we will appreciate the blessings, we will not enjoy it. thank You papa God! i love You! just like how a child always wants more sweet but never thought of the effects of it. how the sweet actually cause tooth decay. the child just concentrates on getting the sweet and eating the sweet but never learned to enjoy the sweet. it's only when we grow up where we learn how to enjoy sweet and knowing that eating 1 sweet can actually satisfy one person already. haha...

just before the worship started

went to festival of praise after service. it was a real good time worshipping with other brothers and sisters from the church of Singapore.

the ccc band...

it was a blast! the band from CCC (Christian City Church) Sydney Australia was so happening! once again, i felt like i'm back to the old times when i was younger and able to jump up and down! haha... it felt really good! it was a original worship from down under! haha! way to go aussies!

mr don moen's worship

then we had mr don moen to lead us in another worship with some old hits! haha... it was really powerful... i missed all the old songs and it really spoke so much to me! i saw the heart of don moen. how he leads worship with a heart of a child wanting to give everything to papa God. he was just so cool and so peaceful and when he starts singing, everyone just listen and quieten down. it was just so much of God in him and so much adoration for papa God. another thing to mention is the band! they are just so so so so so so so good! they gel so well and understand each other so well. the true model of a modern worship band. let's go ky! time to move up the bar!

i really felt so good today! it wasn't like a sad day for me because above all things, i got to move on in my life and that's what i have been waiting for the last 2 years! it's just so releasing and free to experience it now! i thank papa God for giving me the go ahead to talk to ms A today! i'm just so glad that everything is over now! i'm just waiting for God's call to move and off i will go! i want to soar with Him! above the storm i will soar with Him! papa God... it's my turn now....

Fulfilling Saturday.... as usual...

2006-08-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

once again... the saturday started @ 8am... went for the usual saturday soccer @ NUS with the guys and tiring was the word to describe it. we play under the blistering sun for 2 hours and it really killed us! it was just pure torturing. lunch was settled at our new hangout place... NUS arts canteen! the food was fanstastic but the price was the main attraction. it's so cheap that i felt like i'm back in my old primary school! anyway, she came today and left after awhile.

went back to church after that. jason, me, ben wu, merv, lionel and kevin decided to go to macs to chill out and have sundaes. haha... good chilling guys... went back to church after that to play with the english worship team. haha... it was fun...

spent 1/2 hour on the train ride to woodlands just sleeping. haha... the ride was really funny. the girl that was sitting beside me fell asleep and had that jerking motion going on whenever she almost lean on me. it's was just super funny! haha... she did that all the way from somerset mrt till woodlands mrt. wahahaha... well... went down to woodlands carepoint to teach guitar playing. my monthly commitment...

went for dinner with jiahao, jason, alwyn, ben wu and reg @ tiong bahru! hahaha... had lor mee, lor mai kai, fishball, beef hor fun, char kway teow, duck rice, ice kachang, fried rice... filling!!!! hahaha... well reg bought me a pack of indo mee... hahaha... funny...

well... again, we talked about miscommunication that happens when issues are not addressed. many times, miscommunication happens because one party assume that things are alright or settled without consulting the other party. that's where the communication breaks down. assuming is always the easiest way out but we never realise that it's actually the start of many problems to come. just like how people always assume someone is with another person just because they are always together. these are the scary people. they don't ask you but in their hearts, they already categorize you based on what they see on the outside. so never never assume things until you clarify. it will help you lots in your life. don't be too assuming...

just a preview of what we had...

Quote Of The Day
Never assume anything until you clarify with that person. It's not alway the same as you see on the outside

Friday...

2006-08-05T00:08:00.000+08:00

haha... today started with the worst of the worst... went to school and realised that i actually don't have class in the afternoon because my tutorial is actually next week and that the morning class was just a short one. finally got my TDMC project on the way... i'm going to be doing the israel's attack on lebanon but on aspects of broadcast media. going to be challenging. videos again... oh mine... haha... ended up going for the afternoon class cause i had nothing to do. oh well... but managed to talk to dana, hazel and michelle! (haha! come think about it, it's really the first time i'm talking to michelle.) realised many people actually reads my blog! haha... my purpose is achieved. hazel asked me what i meant in my blog and turned out that it was actually a misinterpretation of her blog or in actual fact, she wrote in a wrong way. oh well, still it doesn't affect what i wrote in my blog.

anyway didn't do much and ended up in town again with jiewei, rasul, marcus and his friends. along the way came theresa and hyde. jiewei wanted to cut his hair and made 7 of us wait outside for him while he cut his hair. (i left halfway to go meet someone. wonder how his hair turned out...) it's just crazy going out with them everytime. it's like a bunch of kids running wild in the playground. haha!

it was to church for living room prayer and it was such a refreshing time. refreshing time of connecting back to the singapore call. a refreshing time to reconnecting back to the family. prayed for singapore and all, the 7 arenas.

anyway, just realised that there is so much backstabbing in class and it's just scary! school started only for 4 months and so much things have happened. this is the kind of things that i'm talking about! a child grows up and along the way, picks up so much insecurities and pain, all thanks to things like that! throw it away man... in the end, what matters most is whether you believe in yourself and as long as you believe in yourself and know yourself, other people's opinions doesn't matter! why spend so much time on trying to get people on your side when you know that the same people can also do the same thing to you? why bother? be yourself and if people accept you, they will be around you. look for friends that will last a lifetime rather than the temporary. it's not worth it. friends are suppose to be lifelong. it's that kind of friendship that will bring you through life. friends that are always ready to listen to you and advice you on thing even when it seem to hurt with the kind of advice that comes out of tough love. friends aint there to make you feel good. they are there to make sure you are on the right track and living your life purpose out. another aspect of being childlike is to have the maturity to be friends with people but when times where pain and hurts ae involved, you are able to talk it out and not "don't friend you liao!" kind of respond. so choose because you have the right to choose!

Quote Of the Day
Choose your friends wisely. it's those, who are willing to stand with you in times of pain and hurts, that will last a lifetime.

Stay Home Thursday...

2006-08-03T18:30:00.001+08:00

today's a stay home day for me. one whole week of being out of the house every day makes this day even more important and significant. important because i really need to be alone and to to do my stuff. significant because although i'm going out with my classmates everyday, i still am not caught in that cycle of having to go out everyday.

woke up @ 11.30am. needed to rest from yesterday's battering from soccer and going out. it was a good rest. decide to wash my boots and to pack up my messy table. (i dislike things to be messy but due to school, it was inevitable.) whenever i study, my table will be so messy but always didn't have the strength to clear up after because i always head to bed immediately or at least after i do my quiet time. finally did it today and satisfaction was the word to describe my feeling after that. spent some time talking to people on msn and hazelles was one of those that i talked to. read her blog and got some revelations! haha! oh well.. that's me... i always look, watch and then process.

my clean and tidy table... finally...

my soccer boots... once again shiny and clean...
with no funky smell from yesterday's mud...

read hazel's blog and saw some of her feelings. (don't worry hazel. i'm not criticizing you. it's my personal thoughts. it's something that i had gone through too. i think you are bold to even write it in your blog). i saw how a relationship that didn't work out would often result in something that wasn't even suppose to be there in the first place. how a action can be interpreted in such a way. now i understand why papa God gave us the Holy Spirit. so that we can see in the spiritual and be guided even in such things. even as a child, many times the way we interpret message is by how we feel or what experiences we have with the source. like a child, who had a bad experience with chilli, will alway refuse to take anything with chilli in it or anything that has the word in it. like chilli soup from dan ryan isn't spicy at all but because of the word chilli being part of the name, it will alway be avoided by the child. so in the same way, any actions towards the person that you have a failed relationship with will also be interpreted in the negative way. any mention of that name will trigger off a long list of hurts that is hidden somewhere in the heart. the best way to get rid of this is to give it all to papa God. papa God will always be there... always waiting for us to give all our pains to Him.

had dinner around 8 plus... dinner was the normal mixed veg rice from the coffee shop downstair. i had rice and my sis had porridge... the teochew porridge kind. haha... good dinner and just totally filling. haha...

the dinner that me and my sis had...

see! this is the kind of dinner that i'm so used to when i was young. chinese food and all. now, it's the normal burgers and fries or the frequent carbonara. i used to be excited when i was young when it comes to dinner. it was the time where i get to eat my mum's home cooked food and nothing beats that! i remember that when i was in primary school, i always wanted the school bus driver to drive faster because i was getting excited to eat the food that my mum would prepare for dinner. the soups and especially the soya sauce chicken and the nonya tao pok... yum yum... haha... but now, because of so much commitments outside of family, dinner was a rarity, limited only to occassional sundays or chinese new year. i miss it so much. tried to come back for dinner more often on sundays but somehow, always ended up eating outside with friends. the moment we grow up, dinner with family becomes secondary and friends becomes first. why? dinner with friends are more important now. oh well, wish i can go back to being a child and rush back home for dinner everyday. haha... i love mummy's food! sorry mummy... thank you mummy for always cooking for the family even when you don't feel like it. *smuck!

QUOTE OF THE DAY
you choose what you want to see or hear. choose the better feeling one.

ohhh... what a day...

2006-08-02T17:47:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning from a hangover of yesterday's outing with jason and jiahao. we were talking at the top of mount faber and it lasted till 2.30am! haha... as usual, it was the common topic and the hastening of my actions. it will be this sunday...

refused to wake up till the 3rd snoozing of my phone alarm and struggled my way to the toilet. bathe and headed for school. today was going to be a tiring day. the group decided to play soccer after school with some of the guys from the new mass comm class that just started. played awhile in the downpour of singapore's finest rain and then mr sunny decided to get out of his house and stay there for awhile. the other team was good but arrogant. the usual young and rash, full of tricks... well my group was beaten 10-6. it was a race to 10 goals. anyway, it was the aftermath in the shower room that was going to be the climax. the moment we went into the shower room, it was no holds bar for all the talks. complaints of bad tackles and unsportmanlike behaviors filled the air. it was crazy man... anyway, alvin came to me while i was gel-ing my hair and made a remark. "you from church one right? the way i see you play and talk, i know liao. i was like that last time too." oh man! i was like shock! now i understand why papa God had to take me out of playing for school to teach me this lesson so that this moment can happen. i was so amazed. it was my kairos moment. thank You papa God for doing this. i give You all the praises!

many times, like kids, we don't understand why our parents would make us do something that we don't like or have no interest in or worst still, take the very thing that brings us joy away from us. but along the way of growing up, we slowly see how those moments actually allows us to be moulded in a certain way which helped us whe we grow up. many of us who experience a childhood of having to fend of ourselves will grow up being a strong in will person but tagging along lots of hurts and pain along with it. this is where we need to know how give all our hurts and pain to papa God and keep the character of the strong will that is submitted to papa God.

anyway, back to the day...
went to town after soccer with marcus, jiewei, rasul, alvin, isaak and danny because they wanted to watch "thank you for smoking". we headed down to meridan for lunch first before going to PS to catch the movie. didn't stay for the movie because i realised that i was too tired and i might just fall alseep in the cinema. left for home after they went into the cinema with danny. (he was going to the same busstop) as usual, slept the whole of the journey back home in the nice comfy seat at the corner. (once again, it was one of those waking up just before your stop kind of sleep. somebody, please find out why this will happen!) got home and decided to start writing this blog entry since basketball is cancelled tonight due to the living room prayer meeting.

anyway, good news... classmates are beginning to open up to me. i am talking to more people now than the last two terms... hurray! more to come!

too lazy to wash my boots and clean up my table... think i'll do it tomorrow afternoon. just want to chill tonight and enjoy this quiet moment...

p/s: no pictures today because of my laziness and tiredness...

QUOTE OF THE DAY
you might not know why your parents are putting you through all these pains but one day you will understand that it's for your good and will guide you a long way in your adult life.